


Puppy Love

by ChasingtheCosmos



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Nightmares, Reylo - Freeform, Safe For Work, Some angst, brain hijacking, cute puppy, pure wholesome fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-05-25 20:30:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 31,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6209026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChasingtheCosmos/pseuds/ChasingtheCosmos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey gets a dog. Things just get better from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> A collaboration between myself and ohlookablibberinghummdinger!  
> Follow us both on tumblr: www.ohlookablibberinghummdinger.tumblr.com & www.queen-of-reylo.tumblr.com  
> You can also find this fic on this amazing blog!: www.smallenoughtofit.tumblr.com

Everything was a little charred around the edges. The entire area was in varying states of disintegration. Finn’s squad had succeeded in pushing the First Order completely off the planet, but it had come at a cost. There was casualties, both rebel and civilian, and the squad had called in for Rey and another squadron to help with the cleanup and recovery.

Rey’s nose curled up at the smell of charred wood and burning smoke. The sounds of dying, crackling flames and settling debris rang out all around her but she was distracted by another noise - a soft, high whimper. Rey moved towards the noise on instinct. She knew that she should have been more cautious, but the sound was so lonely and desperate that she knew that she had to find its source before it was too late.

It was impossible to tell what color the puppy’s fur was, since it was so covered in soot and dirt that it blended in with the chaos and destruction of the rubble around it. His tiny body was shivering despite the heat that surrounded them and Rey’s keen eye immediately focused in on the heavy piece of debris that had fallen across the dog’s hind legs, trapping him. His dark brown eyes stared up at Rey with quiet desperation as he let out another small yelp, begging for help.

“Rey?!” Finn wiped sweat from his brow, looking around for her. They had found a couple of people underneath a burned building and wondered if Rey could lift the rubble off.

Rey’s head snapped up as she heard her name being called, and the puppy’s ears pricked in curiosity as well. In one swift movement Rey bent down and gently lifted the piece of debris that was trapping the small animal. It wasn’t necessarily a very difficult task, but she was careful as she eased the weight off of the dog’s tiny body. She swept the dog up in her arms and ran to meet up with her partner. The rubble trapping the survivors was much more heavy than the small stretch of metal that the dog had been trapped under, and Rey had to reach into the strength of the Force in order to free the captives. She used her abilities to aid Finn and the rest of their group, and in no time the trapped individuals were able to squeeze out through the charred rubble, all of them coughing heavily, their skin turned black.

“It’s a Jedi.” One of the people choked out, staring at Rey. A soldier shushed the old man gently, offering him water.

“What’s that?” Fin asked, nodding at Rey’s arm.

Rey didn’t respond, but held up the small ball of fluff in her arms. The dog was still shivering but his tail was flapping slowly from side to side as he looked up at Finn. Rey couldn’t help the smile that stretched over her face as she looked back up at her companion. “Does the Resistance have any rules against keeping pets?” she asked.

“None at all, if you’re not on a mission.” Finn said, “I mean, they let Poe keep me.” He said, reaching forward to gently rub the little dog’s ears.  
Rey laughed despite the grim scenery that still surrounded them. The dog shied from Finn’s large hand for a moment, but his tail was soon swinging once again when he decided that the giant hand wasn’t going to hurt him. Rey knew that taking on a small, largely dependent creature was not going to be easy and, if she had been in her right mind, she would have found the small dog a nice, loving home with one of the survivors that she and Finn had rescued from the rubble. But there was something about this dog’s soft, sweet brown eyes and the way that he rested his entire weight against Rey’s body that made her heart soften. She wanted to see the dog grow up strong and happy away from this smoke-filled place that was filled with death and destruction.

“I’ve never had a dog before…” Rey mused quietly to her friend. Actually, she had never had any kind of pet - let alone any other living creature - to keep her company during her childhood on Jakku. “Are they hard to take care of?” Rey looked down at the tiny creature, wondering how big he would grow to be. What did dogs even eat? Would the puppy be easy to train? Where would she keep it? She looked up at Finn, her bright hazel eyes shadowed by the many questions and doubts that were running through her mind.

“I don’t think this.” Finn said, shrugging, “Never had one. Maybe Solo can help?” He leaned forward a little, his dark eyes bright as he brought his face close to the dog’s. When it licked him, his wide smile reappeared. Growing up as a stormtrooper, Finn took pleasure in the smallest of things. That dog had certainly brightened up his day. “Why don’t we leave it with the soldiers guarding the ships and you can take it back with you after we’ve done some more work?” He asked, turning his gaze on Rey. He watched her carefully, his face reassuring.

Rey smiled and nodded, highly encouraged by Finn’s positive response. She cradled the dog gently in her arms as she walked back towards the ships that they had landed with. She cooed at the tiny animal and grinned as the dog’s tiny ears pricked forward at her voice. She wondered if Ben had ever kept a pet before, and if he knew how to handle puppies. Rey giggled lightly to herself as she imagined the stark contrast between this small ball of fluff and the tall, lanky Ben Solo.

The next day and a half were gruelling. The teams worked for hours, recovering and burying bodies, relocating the wounded to a New Republic refugee center. Finn worked tirelessly, ensuring both that the teams did all they could and that everyone under his case was safe and taking care of themselves.

Rey did what she could for the remaining refugees, but she couldn’t deny the fact that taking on a puppy was much more work than she had first considered. The dog’s injuries were easily remedied at the makeshift med station that the Resistance troops had set up for the survivors of the attack, and the animal was soon up and bounding around as if nothing had ever happened. Rey was happy to see that the dog had no intentions of running away, and he never strayed too far from Rey or Finn’s side. He seemed content with the scrap food that Rey was able to hunt down for him, and many of the survivors and Resistance troops doted on him as well, sneaking him special treats when they thought that no one was looking.

After 36 hours or so, Finn sent the reinforcements home, along with Rey. They were going to pack up the site and move on.

The dog managed the trip surprisingly well, though it was clear that he preferred having his four paws on solid ground rather than than the slippery, cold surface of the ship’s metal floors. Luckily the trip was not long and they were back on D’Qar in no time. The puppy was the first one out of the ship, bounding down the landing ramp and surprising the Resistance troops that had gathered to greet the returning group.

BB8 was part of those waiting to greet Rey. He beeped excitedly at the sight of the dog, heartily confused as to who this new tiny operative was. Ben Solo was not part of the crowd, but that was not surprising. He spent a significant amount of his time alone and avoided large gatherings. Even after a year and a half of working for the Resistance, he still got side glances from people. He was still on the base, but likely in his room, meditating.

The dog skirted anxiously around the small, rotating orange robot - he couldn’t quite decide if it was a game or if it was dangerous. He yipped at BB-8 as he lunged playfully at him, trying to get a better idea of what this mechanical ball was.

BB8 rolled back slightly, then looked at Rey. He was confused as to why she just sat there and let this tiny fluffy operative attack him that way. He turned back to the operative and beeped at it. He decided, after a moment, that it meant no harm. He wiggled around excitedly, watching it.

The dog - satisfied that BB-8 was indeed not a threat - wagged his tail with joy and sniffed at the droid’s antennae and flashing lights. Rey laughed and shook her head at the droid and the puppy as they interacted for the first time. She whistled to her new companion, realizing for the first time that she hadn’t taken the time to name the animal. What was one supposed to name a pet? The dog settled obediently, but he didn’t rush to Rey’s side, preferring to continue his investigation of his new friend instead. The new sights and smells seemed to overwhelm his tiny body and he was practically vibrating in excitement. Rey, satisfied that the dog was not going to cause any trouble, began scanning the edges of the crowd, wondering once more how Ben was going to react to this furry little newcomer.

General Organa walked over quietly. She saw the dog, then lifted it up. She rubbed his ears and walked over to greet Rey, “Hello, Rey.” She said, “Everything went well, I’m assuming.” She said, gesturing to the squirming ball of fluff in her arms.

Rey nodded to the General, smiling as she watched the puppy writhing in the older woman’s grasp, whining with his own pent-up excitement. “We saved as many as we could,” Rey reported. “I just wish we could have gotten there sooner.”

General Organa nodded. “Go and rest, you’ve had a rough day and a half. Take the dog, check in, and take some time to rest. I’ve arranged it so you can’t be shipped out for another two weeks, short of an emergency. Enjoy the time off.”

BB8 let out an excited whistle, wiggling a bit. He loved it when Rey was around.

“And tell my son I expect him for dinner tomorrow night.” General Organa said, waving a hand, “Along with you and Chewbacca.”

Rey nodded and saluted her General out of respect. “Thank you, General Organa. I greatly appreciate it.” She reached forward, carefully extracting the wriggling dog from Leia’s arms. The second that the puppy was on his own four paws again, he was running circles around BB-8, barking for joy.


	2. Chapter Two

Rey hushed the barking dog sternly, not stopping until she was sure that he had his full attention. The dog continued to whine like a chastised child as he reluctantly followed behind Rey. Every time he wandered from the path, Rey would give him a harsh whistle and he would dejectedly give up whatever interesting scent he had caught on to. Rey hesitated when she finally reached Ben’s room. She wondered if he could hear the dog’s nails as he paced eagerly around Rey’s feet, never stopping for a second. She knocked gently against the solid metal door.

There was a loud noise that sounded like a large person scrambling to their feet and hurredly rushing to the door.

The puppy immediately halted, his head cocking to the side as he stared at the door, anticipating whoever or whatever was behind it. Rey took a step back, murmuring a stern, “Sit.” The dog only twitched an ear to her, his hindquarters still firmly in the air and his tail whipping eagerly from side to side.

Ben Solo opened his door. His hair looked a little mussed up, but it was manageable. He blinked sleepily at Rey, his dark tunic wrinkled from where he’d obviously been sleeping. “Hey.” He said, looking down at her and smiling a little. He was still a stoic person, even after more than a year away from Snoke’s influence.

Rey tried not to laugh at Ben’s slightly disheveled appearance. She also tried not to admit to herself that she found his mussed hair strangely endearing. “Hey,” she replied casually, her smile wide and effortless. Rey looked down to find that the puppy was already running in tight circles around Ben’s feet, his nose working hurriedly as he smelled out his new friend. “I, uh… I got a dog,” Rey muttered awkwardly as the puppy leapt up as high as he could, his head just barely clearing Ben’s knees. He yapped excitedly, his tail a blur as it swung from side to side. “I’ve never really had a pet before so… I guess I was hoping that maybe you could help me train him?”

Ben looked down at the dog, looking a little bemused. He squatted down and picked the dog up, looking intently at it. He smiled slightly as the animal, unabashed, licked his face thoroughly, “You need a teacher.” He told the dog quietly. He glanced at Rey, then straightened. “Luke had dogs when I was training the first time. It was the only attachment he seemed to allow himself. We can train it, sure.” He said, nodding.

Ben leaned forward and kissed the top of Rey’s head gently, “It’s nice to see you, by the way.” He said. He did that occasionally. Their level of physical contact was one of the more unusual hallmarks of their relationship. They’d never even been in an official relationship, but Rey could curl up in the spare bed in Ben’s room without question. And, at quiet moments like this, Ben was not above displaying affection.

Rey raised an eyebrow at Ben as he used the same words on the small dog as he had on her, not too long ago. She doubted that this dog needed a “teacher” any more than she did, but Ben’s unwavering confidence in his abilities made her smile despite herself. She also couldn’t help but admit that she did need his help this time. Her breath caught in her throat for a moment when he drew closer to her, his voice gentle as his breath grazed against her scalp. She didn’t know why she allowed him these small acts of intimate affection - if it had been anyone else she would have immediately batted them away. But as it was, she smiled and reached forward, one hand finding Ben’s elbow and the other scratching the soft fur underneath the puppy’s neck. “He doesn’t have a name yet,” she admitted as the dog stretched out, allowing Rey’s fingers to reach deeper into his fur. “I’ve never had a pet before. I don’t really know what kinds of names are appropriate…”

“It varies. Luke owned a female called Misty and a male named Irinomi…” Ben paused, looking down at the pup, “each dog is different.” He watched Rey reach out to touch the dog and moved his hands a little, letting the tiny creature get closer to Rey. He let out a small “oops” when the dog nearly slipped from his hands. He brought the dog close to his chest, moving his hands to hold it so securely. It was at moments like this, when he forgot someone was there with him and watching him, that the old Ben Solo came to light. He looked at the dog with genuine concern and his eyes were still wide, even after he was settled. The mask of Kylo Ren may have been removed, but Ben Solo still rarely liked feeling weak or exposed.

Rey’s hands moved with Ben’s in an attempt to keep the small dog stable. She ducked her head as she did, so that Ben would not see the soft blush that brightened her cheeks as her small hands brushed against his. The dog was whining and squirming now in earnest, desperate to be released so that he could continue his exploration of this new place. Rey huffed in frustration as she watched the dog’s thin, gangly limbs fly through the air as she and Ben fought to keep a solid hold on him. “He’s going to need training, too,” she murmured. “Another thing I’ve never done before…”

Ben laughed a little, sounding slightly exasperated. He pressed the dog very close to his chest with one hand, reached around Rey and pulled her close, and stepped fully inside his room, and then released Rey to shut his door. He let out a huff of breath, his hair shifting slightly out of his face. He released his grip on the dog and set it down on his floor. He sighed, staring at the little ball of fluff and shaking his head at it.

Rey watched as the dog immediately began to circle the room, scenting out the perimeter. His large puppy head was buried in one of the corners of Ben’s room when he suddenly stepped back, his eyelids quivering comically. Rey laughed at the puppy’s antics as his little nose curled up and he sneezed heavily, his entire body quaking with the momentum of the sneeze. He scratched at his nose with his front paws and Rey noticed that his entire head was covered in a thin layer of dust that he had picked up during his exploring. She sighed in exasperation, but she couldn’t hide her smile as she bent down to wipe the gray dust off of the dog’s white whiskers. “What about … ‘Dusty’?” she asked, her voice low as if she were speaking to herself. “He was covered in soot and rubble when I found him, he certainly looked like a ‘Dusty’ then.”

Ben sat on his bed, watching the two of them. He smiled slightly, nodding. “I like it.”

The dog - Dusty - wiggled away from Rey’s grasp before she could completely clean his fluffy white fur and he shot across the room, his head shaking with a series of sneezing fits. Rey shook her head at him as he went, her hazel eyes sliding once more to Ben. “So, how have you been?” she asked, her voice sounding less sure than she wanted it to be. “Has the base been busy while I was gone?”

“It’s been fine. Boring.” Ben said, rolling onto his back. “No one really offers a decent sparring partner, so I haven’t had much to do.” He passed a hand through his hair and sat up a little to watch the dog, “We won another skirmish with the First Order while you were gone.”  
Ben stared at his ceiling for a moment, “How are you doing? Are you alright?” He asked.

Rey moved towards the bed where Ben sat but she hovered above it, not quite daring enough to collapse down next to him like her aching body wanted to do. She sighed and picked at a piece of loose skin along one of her fingernails, refusing to meet his eye. “There were a lot of casualties,” she muttered. “There were so many that we couldn’t save. It’s hard not to think about what might have happened if we had gotten there sooner. Could we have saved more innocent lives from being taken away?”

What Ben Solo WANTED to do:  
Ben sat up, reaching across the short space to wrap his arms around Rey. He rested his chin on top of her head, “No. I saw you in Control during the battle. You did all you could to keep the fighting away from the people. These things just happen. You were there helping people as soon as you could. Rey, you didn’t even make it six hours before you were on the ground. You can’t save the entire galaxy alone. You don’t have to.”

What Ben Solo ACTUALLY did:  
Ben sighed and closed his eyes, still stretching out his arms on either side, “It’s not your fault.” He murmured.

What Rey WANTED to do:  
Rey eased onto the mattress beside him, her body curling effortlessly around his own. She buried her nose in the safe, warm space along his jawline, just under his ear, where she let the comforting scent of him wash through her and carry her worries away with it. “It’s so good to be back. I missed you,” she whispered against his skin. She let her nimble fingers run aimlessly along his tunic. She let her legs tangle in his and sighed, content at last.

What Rey ACTUALLY did:  
Rey examined the soft, vulnerable skin of Ben’s eyelids, allowing herself to stare unabashedly and hoping that he would not sense her inspection. Her knees tapped lightly against the edge of the bed frame as she examined him. “So… ready for some sparring practice, then?” she asked. “I hope you haven’t gotten rusty while I’ve been away.”

“Of course not.” Ben said, the corners of his mouth twitching. He opened his eyes, turning his head to look at her face, “but that can wait, you need to rest.” He moved his right arm, giving her room to lay down next to him if she wanted. “You’ve been through a lot.”

Still Rey hesitated awkwardly at the edge of the bed, not sure whether it was acceptable for her to be the one to cross the line between normal human contact and more intimate closeness. But she couldn’t resist the welcoming space that Ben had subtly but purposefully left for her. She winced as the bed jostled beneath her and she shifted awkwardly so that her head rested lightly against his arm and her arm just barely grazed against his side. Her limbs were stiff against her sides but she sighed with a certain sense of contentment as she allowed her eyes to close and the heat of Ben’s body to soak into her.

She listened intently as Dusty’s nails continued to click around the room. She sensed the dog pause near the bed, whining at Ben and Rey’s feet as they hung over the edge of the mattress. “Dusty, no,” Rey called to him, though her voice had lost all of its sternness. The dog’s front paws immediately jumped up onto the bed as he heard Rey’s voice and Rey cracked her eyes open to see the puppy’s eager face and pleading brown eyes. “It’s Ben’s bed, you have to ask nicely,” Rey told the dog. Dusty’s ears pricked and he whined again as his dark eyes shifted to Ben’s, begging to be allowed what he obviously wanted.

“Come on up.” Ben said, patting the edge of the bed.

Dusty was immediately scrambling over to two of them, his limbs ungainly as he tried to squirm his way into the small space that Rey had left between the two of them. Rey groaned as one of the puppy’s paws jabbed into her side and knocked the wind out of her for a moment.

Ben laughed, looking over at the pair of them. It was unusual for him to laugh like this. It was light hearted and genuine, softer than anything he allowed himself to demonstrate usually. He couldn’t seem to help it. The dog was too innocent and well-meaning for his own good and Ben couldn’t keep his mask on around him. “Alright, then, Dusty. If you insist.” He was somewhat sarcastic in tone, but his amusement was definitely genuine.

Rey shifted so that Dusty could have the space he wanted and glared down at him in frustration. She felt Ben’s laugh shaking through the mattress and the sound of it seemed strange in her ears. But it was a good kind of strange - something new and interesting and special. The dog settled his small head against Ben’s chest, the exact place where Rey wished she could be, and his eyelids immediately began to droop. Rey scratched the dog’s hindquarters and gave one more sigh as she drifted off into an exhausted sleep.

Ben looked down at Rey and she fell asleep. He moved his pillow a little, letting it take the place of his arm. He moved his arm a little, behind his own head, and rubbed the dog’s ear sleepily. He watched Rey sleep for a while, glad she had some moment of peace after all that destruction and pain. After a long time, however, sleep overcame him too, and his eyes closed.


	3. Chapter Three

The next morning Rey woke early, as she always did, and managed to sneak out of Ben’s room without waking him. By the time Ben groaned and rolled over to wake himself up, the space next to him was empty and cold and he found himself completely alone.

That was, until he remembered the furry little companion that Rey had left in his care. The small white puppy was immediately crawling on him the second that Ben began to stir. Dusty was emitting small, excited whining noises as he licked at Ben’s chin in greeting. Ben groaned again and pushed the puppy’s smelly breath away, though he let his long fingers scratch at the soft fur behind the dog’s ears in appreciation of Dusty’s attempt at greeting him a good morning.

It had been a long time since he had been charged with the care of a pet, but he figured that at least it would give him something to do in the copious amounts of spare time that he had while he waited for a mission that he was beginning to wonder if he would ever actually receive. Ben’s brows furrowed over his dark eyes as he looked down and carefully inspected the dog. It was impossible to guess at the dog’s heritage, so there was no telling how big he would get, but there was no doubt that he would begin growing quickly, and no doubt use his size to get into as much trouble as possible. 

“I hope she doesn’t think she can get away with only seeing you to play and then leaving me with all of the hard stuff.” Ben said, looking down at the dog, “because that will not be okay.” He closed his eyes, still rubbing the dog’s fur and reached out through the Force. He felt Rey in her room, probably meditating alone without the distraction of the dog. She’d likely have to spend most of the day in meetings, so he had custody of the dog, apparently.

Dusty’s tail beat a heavy rhythm against Ben’s mattress as he leaned the side of his head into Ben’s hands. He made a deep, satisfied groaning noise in the back of his throat as he let Ben’s fingers seek out the places where he could not so easily scratch. Suddenly, the dog’s facial expression seemed to pinch as his lips curled, his eyes squinted, and he let out a loud, spraying sneeze all over Ben and his bed sheets.

Ben groaned as he wiped the thin layer of mucus off of his exposed skin and surveyed the damage to his sheets. Dusty’s tail began to whip against the mattress again as he saw Ben begin to rise from bed. The puppy licked his lips and looked up with an excited expression, eager and ready for the day ahead.

Ben sat up and walked to the fresher in the corner of his room, rinsing his face off. He looked over his shoulder at the dog, who wagged his tail excitedly. He walked over and kissed the dog’s forehead, thinking of Rey. He hoped she’d be back soon. It felt bizarre to be responsible for something small and alive.

What if you ever have kids? A tiny voice in his head asked. You’d be responsible for tiny living creatures then, and Rey couldn’t come and take them back at the end of the day.

Ben bit the tip of his tongue thoughtfully. He was nearly 33 and kids were something he thought about, occasionally. Mostly when he saw some of the youngsters on the holofeeds from the refugee camps. If he wasn’t so bitter, the idea of him ever having children would be ridiculous. Ben Solo, formerly the dark jedi known as Kylo Ren, ally of the First Order, dangerous and powerful. He also knew any child of his would be extremely powerful. Snoke or someone else would attack them, probably from their infancy.

Any child he has would never know peace.

Dusty yipped at him, deciding that if Ben was going to stand there, brooding, he might as well scratch his ears or something. Ben sighed and reached down absentmindedly, rubbing the dog’s fur. The dog licked his hand and he leaned close, allowing the dog to nuzzle his face a bit, “You’re cute, Dusty, I’ll give you that.” He leaned back, “I’m a scary guy. I’m not “cute”. Maybe Rey’s just into cute.” He said, thinking about the oddness of the dynamic they had. 

Dusty cocked his head to the side as Ben spoke to him and his little body began to wiggle about excitedly, ready to begin whatever this game was that Ben had started. Ben shook his head at the puppy and began straightening the mussed sheets on his bed, noting the smell that Dusty had left behind, along with all of the white fur. “You can make a pretty big mess, considering you’re so small,” he mused sarcastically. Dusty whined and attempted to jump on the bed and join in the game that Ben was playing, but Ben pushed him gently aside so that he could finish his work.

The puppy, however, was insistent and the more that Ben pushed him away, the harder he tried to jump against Ben’s long limbs and reach his front paws up to the mattress. Finally, he managed to wiggle around Ben’s reach and jumped eagerly onto the bed, his front paws digging at the freshly-laid out sheets. His tail whipped about in the air as his rump raised above his head and he barked loudly and excitedly at Ben, letting him know that he rather enjoyed this new game.

Ben ground his teeth and stepped forward, ready to send this stupid, stubborn animal flying across the room, but caught himself at the sight of Dusty’s excitement. He thought this was a game. “Dusty, you gotta get down.” He said, rubbing his ears and gently tugged him down.

Dusty yapped and jumped excitedly, but allowed Ben to lead him off of the bed and out of the way. However, when Ben turned back to straighten the mess that Dusty had made, the puppy was not satisfied simply being ignored. He barked loudly a few times, bounding in a few tight circles around Ben and then lowering his chest to the ground, his tail wagging in the air in an attempt to encourage Ben back into the game.

Ben watched the dog out of the corner of his eye to ensure that he didn’t cause any further mess, but he ignored the puppy’s antics as he finished straightening the sheets on his bed. “Are you going to be like this all day?” he muttered over his shoulder as he finally turned to the bouncing puppy. Dusty whined as his entire body seemed to tremble, eager to begin some kind of new game.

Ben let out a long sigh through his nose, trying to keep his temper at bay. He knew the dog was being only minorly annoying. He would be a grown adult and deal with it. He remembered his final days with the First Order, before he’d encountered Rey again. His temper had been explosive, targeted at anyone, not just at himself and his own flaws. He never wanted to get to that place again. 

Dusty - having no interest in Ben’s inner monologue or reminiscing thoughts - had grown tired of waiting. He jumped up, placing his front paws on Ben’s thighs and barking sharply

Ben huffed and hoisted the dog up, “I can’t take you out loose like this.” He muttered. He’d have to find some rope at some point. For now, he could just carry the dog to the surface. 

The puppy was anything but helpful as Ben struggled to keep the squirming ball of fur constrained. He moved quickly down the halls of the Resistance Base, eager to get this ball of energy outside before it erupted and did some real damage. Dusty was not still or silent for even one step of the way. He fought hard against Ben’s grip and let out a series of strangled whines and groans, desperate to be on his own four legs again and to run.

When they finally got outside, Dusty sprang from Ben’s arms and was off like a rocket, running circles around Ben and barking loudly at anyone or anything he passed. Ben was thankful that there weren’t many individuals about, but those who were watched the dog and laughed as Dusty darted one way and then another. It wasn’t until they saw who the dog belonged to that the smiles fell from their faces and they turned back to their daily tasks. Ben wasn’t sure who he was more frustrated with - the resistance workers, the dog, or himself.

Ben let the dog down onto the grass, smiling to himself at Dusty’s excitement. It was the only thing here that seemed to want to be around him, that seemed excited. Rey tolerated his presence, slipped into his room late some nights, but there was no excitement there. She never smiled at the sight of him, although his heart liked to jump into his throat whenever she entered a room. It felt rather pathetic to get affection only from a dog, but it was all he had. He grabbed a stick off the ground and tossed it for Dusty to catch.

Rey had asked him to watch her dog.

He might as well make sure the pair of them had fun.


	4. Chapter Four

Ben Solo tapped on the frame of Rey’s door, shuffling his feet in his shoes awkwardly. He wasn’t sure why he always felt odd lurking outside of her door, waiting to train with her, but he did. He was sure she was awake, for she was the one who could rise early and maintain a tolerable temper, but he felt like a gawky teenager loitering outside of a girl’s window at times like this. They had planned to spar this morning and Ben hoped Rey hadn’t forgotten.

Rey didn’t leave him waiting long - the door slid open with a hiss and she leaned an elbow in her doorway, raising her eyebrow up at Ben as a playful grin tipped up the side of her mouth. “I was beginning to think you had chickened out,” she told him. “I’ve only been waiting for you to show up for the past two hours.” She laughed lightly as she slid the door shut behind her and joined him in the hallway. Dusty danced between her legs, panting and wagging his tail happily as he greeted Ben with a joyful bark.

Ben shook his head, looking down at the dog with restrained amusement, “Just giving you time to warm up. I’d like it to be a fair fight.”

“Believe me,” Rey muttered, turning to flash him a playful wink, “I am plenty warmed up.” She waved her hand at him, ushering him down the hallway and outside of the base to a well-lit, grassy area that would be perfect for a sparring match. She allowed some space to fall between them as she rounded to face him, her feet parted but the rest of her body relaxed as she asked, “Ready?”

“Hand-to-hand or with sticks?” Ben asked, his eyes focused on her face.

“Dealer’s choice,” she replied, placing a hand casually on one of her hips.

Ben reached for one of their sticks. It was scaled and weighted for a lightsaber stand-in, a way to practice movements without the worry of maiming one’s partner. He tossed the other one to Rey, settling into a wide stance.

Rey snatched the stick out of the air, rotating her wrist so that it spun artfully through the air around her. Her right foot - the dominant one - stepped back, giving her a wide center of balance, her muscles coiled tight and ready to spring. Her veins were buzzing with adrenaline and she felt a helpless smile spread across her features.

She was tired of waiting on Ben, so she decided that she would be the first to strike. It was straightforward and simple - a mere warm-up for the two of them. She lept forward to close the space between them and brought one end of her stick up into a range where Ben could easily defend himself.

Ben swung his stick in his usual charactiaristic manner, a grand dweeping gesture that caught Rey’s strike effortlessly. However, this morning, he adjusted the arc, stilling his hands and rotating his weapon in a semicircle, so he flipped Rey’s stick back onto her, forcing her to back up to avoid the wood of her own weapon.

Rey was surprised by Ben’s sudden change in tactic, but she was light on her feet as she moved back, countering his attack. She regained her balance and flipped her stick in her hands, getting a better grip on one end while she struck out towards Ben with the other, using an upper-cut movement rather than a straightforward strike.

Ben leaned back with a grunt, throwing his stick up just in time to catch her strike, but could do little to get her off. He finally shoved his free hand slightly above the other, creating a fulcrum and forcing Rey off of him. Not giving her an opening, he swiped at her sides, alternating between them, hoping to trip her up.

Rey balanced her grip on the center of her stick once more, swinging from side to side around her as she tried to deflect Ben’s repetitive attacks. She could feel her grip on her stick weakening as the muscles in her arms protested against the onslaught. She danced backwards, skipping out of Ben’s reach as she fought not to trip over her own two feet. As soon as her center of balance was regained she lunged back at him, feigning to the right as her grip shifted down her stick to strike out on the left.

Ben didn’t give her the opening. He jabbed her in the shoulder, then dropped his stick and grabbed at her arm, afraid she’d fall over. He hadn’t realized how close she’d been to falling and a sharp jab was not exactly good for balance. He saw her catch herself and felt rather stupid, realizing he still had ahold of her arm. He opened his mouth to explain himself, but just stood there stupidly.

Rey felt his hand on her arm like a burning vice. She hated that his fingers were easily able to completely encircle her entire skinny arm, just above her elbow. Once she had straightened her feet on the ground and regained her balance she immediately twisted her head up to glare at Ben. “Not very professional,” she commented, her voice grumbling in annoyance. She raised a brow at him, still frowning, as she waited for him to release her.

Ben let go of her arm, “We’re not professionals,” He said quietly, “We’re friends.” He stepped back, grabbing the stick again, preparing for another round. His heart, however, did not seem to be in it. His mind was clearly far away.

Rey opened her mouth to give some snarky response such as, “Speak for yourself,” but she was silenced by his next words. For some reason, it was strange to hear Ben Solo even utter the word “friend”. But it sounded… nice coming from him. A small, confused smile crossed her features and she turned away so that he wouldn’t see it. As the fighting began again, Rey couldn’t tell if the tides had turned due to the distraction that gave Ben’s dark eyes a far-away look, or the way that her hands kept slipping against her own stick as she fought to keep a solid grip on her weapon and reality.

Ben swiped first, but his movement was clumsy and his mind was clearly elsewhere. He swung at Rey’s shoulder, taking a more direct, vertical, straightforward strike than usual. In fact, this was more akin to how Rey fought than how he did.

Rey saw the attack coming a mile away but she still fumbled slightly as she rose to counter it. She had to use both hands to steady her stick as she deflected his straightforward, heavy-handed attack. She forced herself forward with a grunt as she pushed his stick away and used the momentum of her body to force Ben backwards a few steps. She watched Ben bowing easily under the simple, direct attack and she narrowed her eyes at him, wondering what the hell was going on here. He was the one who had challenged her to a combat session, yet it was clear that his mind was somewhere else at the moment. “Come on, Solo,” she said, trying to force a light-hearted tone into her voice. “Is that all you’ve got?”

“No.” Ben said, jabbing at her. His technique was lacking, but he wanted to get himself under control.

Rey raised an eyebrow at him as she easily deflected his half-aimed jabbed. She stood still for a moment, sizing up her opponent and wondering what she could possibly say to him. Her relationship with Ben had never been easy, but there was something particularly awkward about his distraction today.

Rey’s combat weapon clattered to the ground at her feet as she took a half-step back and descended into another defensive pose, her arms raising to hover in front of her body. “Let’s switch it up,” she told him. “I want to try out hand-to-hand combat for a while.” Rey always preferred armed combat to hand-to-hand - preferably with her old staff from Jakku - but today she was willing to step outside of her comfort zone if it meant wiping that strange, distant look from Ben’s dark eyes.

Ben blinked hard, then nodded, furrowing his brow a little. She looked obnoxiously beautiful today, even with beads of sweat making her hair stick to her face.

Rey hesitated for a moment, readying herself to defend and letting Ben make the first move, but it was clear that there was still something troubling him, and Rey was forced to take the offensive role. She lunged at him with a sweeping kick aimed right the ribs - starting things off simple for him yet again.

Ben turned, catching it on the solid side of his leg, and then forced her back as he turned. Rey swiped at Ben’s arm, but he knocked her hand away easily. This was getting frustrating. She was more physically close to him than she had been in a while, due to their recent preference for sticks during training. He knew they were going to end up on the grass soon. He saw her face, beaded with sweat, eyes bright, expression intent, and found his hands on either side of her waist, stopping all of the momentum of her swing. Her head turned, the familiar hazel gaze finding his face. He could see her beginning to move in his grip, moving closer in the hopes of forcing her center of gravity up and out of his grip. This was all instinctual now. She moved with a lithe grace unmatched by anything.

Before Rey could do more than get close to him, Ben’s mouth was on hers. That had not been the plan, but for some reason he did it. He kissed her, not even thinking about what this meant.

Rey had been handling herself relatively well in the fight, but she was completely unprepared to counter this kind of attack. Her mouth had already been parted slightly before Ben put his on top of it and she felt her teeth graze against one of his lips before she was able to compose herself. Her lips tightened and her breath froze in her throat in fear, but her eyes fluttered shut on instinct as she slowly allowed herself to accept that fact that Ben Solo was kissing her. And, after a few seconds, she was kissing him back. She wondered if he could feel her burning blush with his face so close to hers.

Ben pulled away after an eternity. She’d kissed him back. That had been the greatest surprise, greater even than the surprise of his own daring. He leaned back a little, taking in the high color in her face and her wide eyes. He looked down at her, not sure what to say or do. His lips were still parted and he could feel the bright redness of his ears.

Rey mourned the space that Ben forced between them - not only because the kiss had been surprisingly satisfying, but because it meant that he was now looking at her, his dark eyes cutting into her as her face grew hot. She came to the sudden decision that she would either have to kiss him again or get out of his grasp now. She decided on the latter, since she was weak.

She pulled herself out of Ben’s hold and felt his fingers linger a little, allowing her to leave but wishing she’d remain - perhaps a little more forceful than necessary - and felt a foolish smile stretching across her face. Her blushed deepened, cheeks burning harder than she’d ever experienced in her life and her gazed seemed to be unable to settle on anything, darting all around Ben without lingering at all. She struggled to find words, but couldn’t decide what to say. 

When she stepped back, he looked down and passed a hand through his hair, staring at the grass. He was afraid she might hit him for being stupid, but he forced himself to look up. She was still a little pink in the face, but she was smiling. It was a real, unguarded smile that made all of the tension in his chest dissipate. Unable to help it, he laughed, both out of relief and at the awkward situation they were in.

Ben’s laugh sent an answering giggle bubbling up out of Rey’s throat and the sound made her cringe as she fought to slow her beating heart and push down the emotions that were making her head swim. For some strange reason she felt the need to apologize - even though neither of them had done anything wrong. Instead, she flexed her hands, trying to get the tingling in her extremities to dissipate, and nodded to Ben, still not meeting his gaze. “You win that one,” she conceded with a small, awkward smile. She glanced up at his face and saw the same awkward smile, but his eyes were bright and hopeful, more so than she’d seen them in a long time.


	5. Chapter Five

A tiny voice woke Rey up a day later. Madam Jedi, General Organa wants to see you. Luke Skywalker is here.

Rey’s eyes immediately snapped open but she groaned lightly as she forced herself out of bed and began to dress for the day. She was an early-riser by nature, but this abrupt awakening had surprised and worried her. It had been months since she had last seen the secretive old Jedi, and it was not common for him to travel to a Resistance base - or anywhere outside of Ahch-To, for that matter.

Even Dusty was slow to rise that morning - he blinked up at Rey as he watched her get dressed, letting out a whining yawn when Rey muttered a “good morning” to him and ruffled his ears. “Come on, pup,” Rey whistled to the dog as she slipped into her boots. “Time to go visit Ben.”  
Dusty perked his ears at Rey’s voice, but he seemed reluctant to raise his head. Rey raised a knowing eyebrow at him as she continued, “Really? You’re going to turn down the opportunity to see Ben? You don’t wanna go run around outside today?”

Dusty’s tail thumped against Rey’s mattress and he let out a short huff that ended in a whine as he reacted to Rey’s tempting offer and the adventure that he knew lay ahead for him. However, he still refused to raise his head until Rey crossed to the doorway of her room and snapped her fingers at him. With one short bark, Dusty was immediately on his feet and leveling himself at Rey’s side - his paws slightly slower than usual and another yawn making him whine as they made their way down the hallway together.

Luke Skywalker walked down the hallway to the room he inhabited while at the base. He scratched his beard thoughtfully, his mind clearly elsewhere. He unsealed his room, glancing over at Rey, “Hello, Rey.” He said.

“Master Luke,” Rey responded with a respectful nod of her head. Dusty was immediately at Luke’s feet, sniffing at his boots and wagging his tail excitedly. Rey was silently grateful that the puppy was still somewhat dulled from sleep and that she wouldn’t have to exercise her usual caution in restraining her dog. “I hope that your trip here went well. It’s been some time since I last saw you.”

“It has been.” Luke said, “How has training gone with Ben?” His tone seemed restrained, like he had something on his mind.

“It’s been going well,” Rey answered truthfully, trying to ignore the way that her smile seemed to spread farther than strictly necessary. “It’s nice having a trained warrior around who can match and challenge me - I’m certainly not growing rusty since I left you last.” Dusty, annoyed at being ignored for so long, gave out a short, demanding bark as he bounced a tight circle around Luke’s legs. Rey rolled her eyes with a smile as she added, “And this is Dusty - I found him abandoned and half-charred on one of our recent recovery missions. He’s very… energetic.”

Luke’s face broke into a wide smile. He kneeled down and scratched under the dog’s chin, “Seems to be. How’s Ben been?” He asked, looking up at her. There was something in his eyes, as if he’d known they kissed. He turned his gaze back to the dog, leaning close to the friendly animal.

Rey tried to keep her smile genuine, but her brows furrowed slightly as Luke turned away from her, distracted by Dusty’s antics. She wasn’t exactly surprised to find Luke so concerned about his ex-Padawan and nephew, but for the first time since she had met him, Rey found herself hesitating to respond to Luke. There was no denying that something between Rey and Ben had… changed. Rey wondered how Luke would respond to their new, closer relationship. For some reason she found herself hesitant to tell him all that had transpired in his absence.

“He’s been fine,” Rey finally responded, coughing awkwardly over the unspoken words that caught in her throat. “He’s still adjusting, I think. There have been some… objections to his presence here at the base. Everyone’s still getting used to this new… situation.” She couldn’t remember the last time she had struggled so much in giving a simple, straightforward response. She knew that there was no way that Luke would miss the strange energy that seemed to surround her and Rey winced slightly. She hoped that Luke would change the subject quickly before she betrayed her own secret thoughts further.

Luke turned his gaze back on her, “Rey, what happened?” He asked. His eyes roamed over her face, his bristly eyebrows furrowing.

Rey’s teeth bit down on the inside of her cheek as she forced herself to meet Luke’s bright blue gaze as calmly as possible. She dearly wished that she could lie and brush away all of Luke’s worries and further questions - but lying to the old Jedi Master was useless and she knew it. “Nothing… bad happened,” she responded, trying to choose her words carefully. “Tensions have just been high, while everyone gets… accommodated to one another. Ben… he’s been frustrated. But… I think I’ve been able to help him. With our training, that is. We’ve helped each other.” The stuttering pauses in Rey’s speech were filled with unspoken words and her teeth sunk further into the inside of her cheek, drawing a sharp taste of blood into her mouth. Talk of “training” brought forth memories of the past few weeks. Memories of her and Ben and their “training” sessions, which had, in all honesty, grinded to an awkward halt after the kiss last week. They’d tried to continue as usual, but their fights had crumbled into an awkward series of half-hearted strikes that left them both red-faced and bumbling. They’d spent most of their training time practicing alone, lifting weights or moving through meditation poses while refusing to make eye contact.

This had been moderately effective, although Rey had nearly dropped a weight onto her chest when Ben came over to spot her and had been shirtless. He’d put on muscle mass since the last time she’d seen him without a shirt, back when they were working with Luke at his home.  
Rey forced herself not to get lost in her own thoughts as Luke stood there silently, his face very grave and thoughtful.

“I see,” Luke said slowly, “And this perfectly explains why you’re a nervous wreck? Did you two fight? Has he been too violent in training? Is he raging and storming again?”

Rey swallowed the bitter taste of blood in her mouth and reached into the calming presence of the Force in an attempt to straighten the jumbled thoughts and emotions that had taken over her mind and body. It’s just Luke, she reprimanded herself. You can’t hide anything from him. 

“Really, nothing bad has happened,” Rey repeated after taking a deep relaxing breath. “I would never lie to you, Master Luke. Ben is fine. Everything is fine.” She swallowed hard past the lump in her throat, trying hard to breathe strength into her Force-strengthened calm. “It’s just that… things have… changed. Between Ben and me. We’ve grown… closer, lately. It’s nothing bad, it’s just… different.” Rey cleared her throat awkwardly as she forced herself to continue, “It was unexpected. For both of us. But it’s good, I think.”

“How close?” Luke said, looking a little wary. He stood up, his face grim, “Rey, attachments are very dangerous, especially to someone who has already faced the dark side.”

Rey sighed as she fixed Luke with a stony, exasperated look. “And you wonder why I was acting like a nervous wreck…” she muttered under her breath, as if to herself. She knew that this would be Luke’s reaction, but she didn’t realize until now just how much she was fearing it. She held Luke’s opinions in such high regards, but Rey knew what was best for herself, and she wasn’t going to let some centuries-old Jedi dogma change her mind about that. There was something about Ben that was… different. But even though she couldn’t put a label to their newfound relationship, Rey trusted it with every last instinct in her body.

“I know very well how the Jedi view attachments, Master. And believe me, I know the dangers that come from freely handing out blind trust. But that’s not what this is. Ben respects me - he understands my power but he still challenges me each day. We trust one another, and I know that he would never knowingly hurt me.” She felt her chin raising in defiance, and though Rey tried to control herself, there was no denying the stubborn glint that entered her hazel eyes as she added, “With all due respect, Master Luke, further details about our relationship does not concern you.”

Luke sighed, pressing his lips together in resignation, “I believe your relationship concerns me very much, but not in the ways that you think. Skywalkers have taken to shaping the galaxy in recent generations. You and Ben are no different.

“However, you are both adults and Jedi. I trust you, but do not forget the risks and rewards of such a union, no matter how brief. If you feel that either of you are causing the other to lean towards the dark side, I beg you to cut this off and create distance, for all of our sakes. We cannot lose you or Ben to the dark side, no matter what happens.”

Rey felt herself bristle as the word “brief” left Luke’s lips. However, she couldn’t justify her reaction with reasonable thought, so she held her silence and allowed Luke to finish his sentiment. She understood his worry - she really did - but she couldn’t deny the immature voice in the back of her head that wanted to rail against Luke’s words of wisdom like a petulant teenager.

Finally, she forced herself to bow her head and mutter a half-hearted, “I understand, Master.” She sighed as she watched Dusty looking up at Luke and admiring his newfound friend. If only Master Luke could see the way that Ben interacted with the small dog. If only he could understand how much Ben had changed - how much he wanted to prove himself. Sometimes it seemed like she was the only one who could see Ben’s real potential. But she couldn’t even explain her and Ben’s relationship - how was she supposed to explain something as complex as Ben’s character?

“But I meant what I said, Master,” she continued, “you needn’t worry. Neither Ben nor I are going to be turning to the dark side any time soon. We both fully understand the risks, here.” And the rewards, the silent voice in the back of her mind muttered. A blush heated her cheeks and she breathed calmly, using the Force to subdue her strangely heated emotions.

Luke nodded, but he eyes did not soften. They had reached an impasse. While Luke had not condemned them, he could remove his reservations anymore than she could stop loving Ben. He did, however, smile at her, “You have grown much since you first arrived on Ahch-To, Rey. You have become wise and determined.” He scratched his beard, “Where is Ben, now?”

Rey managed to give Luke a somewhat shy smile - he was, after all, a Jedi Master, and his compliments to her growth meant a great deal to her. “It’s good to know I’m not as dumb and weak-willed as I feel sometimes,” she sighed, giving a small, awkward laugh. “Thank you, Master Luke.”  
Dusty let out a thin, high-pitched whine - reminding Rey of his promised playtime with Ben - at the same time that Luke began to wonder aloud about his ex-Padawan’s whereabouts. “I don’t know,” she answered Luke honestly. “Probably still in his room. He’s not exactly a ‘morning person’.” She used her fingers to create quotes in the air as she said it, flashing Luke a companionable smile as she did so. No doubt he knew just as much as she did about how his nephew favored sleeping in.

The corner of Luke’s mouth twitched. He remembered dragging a 11 year old Ben out of his bed, literally, for a very early-morning training session. He doubted very much that he could physically tackle his nephew these days. “Let’s go wake him up. It’s not fair he should sleep so soundly when the rest of us are awake.”

A genuine, heart-felt smile spread over Rey’s features as she led Luke and Dusty further down the hall towards Ben’s quarters. She made a silent plea to the Force as they went - a small, secret prayer that Ben would be awake by the time they got there, and that they wouldn’t have to deal with groggy Ben Solo. Ben was bitter and awkward around Luke Skywalker on the best of days - she wasn’t exactly eager to stand between him and his old Master if Ben decided to be particularly obstinate today.

Luke rapped lightly on Ben’s door.

“I know it’s you, wait a moment!” Ben called through the door, already apparently awake. His door slid open after a moment, revealing him to be fully clothed and alert.

Rey’s smile widened and she told herself that it was out of gratitude for the fact that Ben was already awake, and not just her own excitement at hearing his voice. She waited patiently at his door, feeling somehow even more awkward than usual with Master Luke at her side. Dusty, however, had never really mastered the art of patience. He yelped loudly at the familiar sound of Ben’s voice and began bouncing into the air, his front paws clacking loudly against the metal door as he called out to his invisible friend.

Ben kneeled down immediately to greet Dusty, “Hey buddy.” He said, rubbing his ears, “Good morning. How do you like Master Luke?” He asked the dog, his voice light.

Luke Skywalker raised an eyebrow, wondering who this young man was and were his nephew had been taken. 

Rey was surprised, but delightfully so, as she watched Ben’s easy interaction with the over-energetic puppy and his easy greeting to his old Master. Of course he would have already been alerted to Luke’s presence - both men were Force-sensitive and they were related, after all. She smiled as she watched Dusty’s white tail whip eagerly back and forth, his entire body wiggling in excitement at being reunited with his friend.  
“Dusty likes everyone,” Rey responded with a girlish giggle that surprised her. “He’s already fully introduced himself.” She watched Ben closely as he hunched his large frame over the small dog. He hadn’t met her eyes since the door had opened, but she was secretly glad for this fact. After all, she wanted to make sure that the last lingering heat from the fierce blush she had endured under Master Luke’s gaze was gone before she faced off against yet another Skywalker male.

Ben rubbed Dusty’s ears and looked up, his eyes sliding over his uncle to rest on Rey, “Hello. Did you guys plan on waking me up?” He asked, dark eyes alight with genuine amusement.

Rey flashed him a look of fake-shock as she playfully replied, “I’m innocent. It was Dusty who wanted to wake you.” The little puppy gave a sharp bark of agreement as he bounced up to lick at Ben’s face. “I was just coming by to see if you’d mind watching him for a few hours. I may or may not have promised him some time outside with his best buddy Ben.”

The corner of Ben’s mouth twitched. He could feel the confidence Rey had suddenly. She was secure around him, which gave him the confidence to flirt with her a bit. He had missed being able to talk to her and look at her without there being awkward tension. He looked down at Dusty, “We’ll go out later.” He stood up, looking at his uncle, “How are you, Master Luke?”

“I am well.” Luke said, watching his former pupil thoughtfully, “Come on, let’s take this dog somewhere he can run.” Luke led the way up to the surface, Dusty bonding excitedly around him, and Ben fell into step next to Rey. He didn’t look at her, but his hand brushed against hers as they walked.

Rey’s skin tingled where Ben touched her and she knew that it wasn’t by chance that his hand was brushing against hers. She ducked her head and chewed at the edge of her mouth in an attempt to hide her smile as she kept her gaze trained stubbornly ahead. She allowed her fingers to tangle up in Ben’s for just a moment before they broke through to the sunlit surface. As Dusty bounded ahead, barking loud enough to wake any troops who were still slumbering, Rey forced herself to once more keep a calm and professional distance between herself and Ben Solo. Telling Luke about their relationship had been hard enough - flaunting it in front of him would be more than she could handle. “You never told me, Master Luke - what is it that you’re doing here on the Resistance Base?” she asked.

“Leia called me about speaking before the Third Republic Senate, but she wanted to discuss it in person. I also wanted to see you two. It’s nearly be been four months since I saw you.”

Rey nodded professionally when Luke spoke of Resistance matters and smiled easily when he spoke personally, but the majority of her mind was still on the strange tingling sensation in her hand. She scratched at it, avoiding Ben’s gaze as she did so, and watched as her puppy ran rough, zig-zagging paths through the tall grass outside of the base. “I’m glad that you managed to get her safely,” she responded. She hated how she sounded - as though she were discussing the weather or some other kind of meaningless small talk. She cleared her throat and attempted to sound more genuine as she added, “There’s been a lot of… disturbances in the galaxy lately. I honestly don’t know how The First Order is managing to find so many resources and troops so soon after they lost Starkiller Base. We’ve been sent out on more rescue and recovery missions than I care to think about…”

“It’s been more than two years since Starkiller.” Ben said, “With Hux in command, they’ll have plenty of ways to rally their forces. He’s fanatical, but meticulous.”

“I doubt they have a single base of operations.” Luke said, his eyes on the dog, too. “They’re just hitting us wherever we can, but I may be able to get the recommissioned fleet to back up the Resistance.”

Rey was so caught up in their talk of politics and strategy that she almost forgot to savor the companionable conversation that Ben Solo and Luke Skywalker were able to have with one another. She watched them out of the corner of her eye and tried to keep her small, satisfied smile to herself while thoughts of the future and what lay ahead for all of them ran through her head. She nodded to emphasize the fact that she was concentrating on the task at hand and added, “I just don’t know how much more of this the galaxy can take. The sooner that we can get to Snoke, the better.” However, it certainly eased her mind to know that Luke Skywalker was safe and once more a part of the Resistance. Rey didn’t know much about his days as a young rebel, but she knew enough to be greatly consoled by his presence here. With Luke, Ben, and the entire force of the Resistance on their side, perhaps there really was a way to destroy Snoke and make the galaxy safe again.


	6. Chapter Six

Ben sat bolt upright, clutching at his throat, gasping. He hunched over in his bad, panting. Something was wrong, viscerally wrong, in the Force and he could feel it. He passed a hand through his hair, scanning his room for anything. The disturbance was distant, but powerful. Something dark had gathered on some distant planet and he knew that it had something to do with him. He reached around the base. Everything seemed in order here, but he couldn’t let this go until morning. He stood, grabbing a shirt and pulling it on with his boots as he hurried to Rey’s room. He was in such a rush that he nearly forgot his lightsaber, but grabbed it at the last minute.

Ben was lucky that Rey was in tune enough with the Force to sense him out in the darkness. He didn’t bother knocking on Rey’s door, too concerned with speaking to her, but crept into her room quietly. If she had been startled awake without the knowledge of who was sneaking into her room and why, she definitely wouldn’t have thought twice about attacking a strange intruder. However, she had sensed Ben’s distress from down the hallway and was already awake and semi-alert by the time he reached her.

Rey groaned as she rubbed at one sleepy eye and raised her head off of her pillow just enough so that she could get a decent look at him. He didn’t seem to be physically hurt and there was no other warning signs of danger coming from the silent base around them.

“Something’s wrong.” Ben said, leaning over and turning Rey’s bedside lamp on. She winced against the bright light of her bedside lamp and let out another soft groan as a headache began pounding at her temples, begging her to return to the safety of sleep as Ben continued to speak quickly, .“The force is in uproar. I can feel the dark side gathering somewhere on one of the outer planets. I can’t place where or who is involved, but I bet it’s Snoke.” His eyes were very dark against the skin of his face, which was even whiter than usual. He was utterly unnerved.

Rey was concerned about Ben and the sudden problem he had brought to her, but she was extremely unused to being awakened out of a dead sleep like this. She frowned as she did everything she could to focus on Ben’s face in the dim light and the words he was saying.

“Snoke?” she managed to mumble. “Are you sure?” She tried reaching out into the Force to see what Ben was seeing, but she was still too weighted down by sleep. 

“Rey,” Ben sat on the bed next to her, taking both of her arms, trying to help her focus and wake up, “Rey, Snoke has done something, I can-”  
Suddenly Rey’s room disappeared. Both of them stood in a field, surrounded by beautiful green grass, blue waterfalls in the distance. A pair of figures moved in the distance, a man and a child.

Rey was immediately startled out of her drowsy state and she yelped in surprise as the scene around them suddenly shifted. “What… what did you do?” she gasped in surprise as she struggled yet again to get her bearings. She followed Ben’s gaze to the strangers on the horizon and she peered at them, blinking against the natural sunlight as she tried to make out their features. “Who…?” she asked in confusion.

“This isn’t me.” Ben said, his expression hardening. He watched the two figures, stepping towards them slowly. This was some sort of dream or vision, because the distance between Rey and the strangers seemed to melt much faster than it should had ordinarily. It was soon evident that the pair were a dark-haired man and a child.

“Show me again, Papa!” The child, a fair-haired girl said excitedly.

“I’ve already done it once today.” The man said, laughing at the girl’s insistence. He was a large figure, but had his back to them.  
“Again!” The girl said, jumping up and down.

Rey wasn’t quite sure what to make of this strange, waking dream that they had found themselves in. Rey could decide whether it Force generated or was something more sinister. Whatever it was, she couldn’t help feeling that they were supposed to be receiving some kind of message from what they were being shown. She furrowed her brow at the strangers before them and, without turning back to him, she asked Ben, “Do you know who they are?”

Ben didn’t speak, but watched as the man laughed again and lifted a hand. Large spouts of water rose into the air from the lake before them, forming themselves into intricate shapes and sending a splash of colors over the pair.

“It’s beautiful, Papa!” The little girl cheered. Ben mouthed her words as she spoke, his expression pained. He couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of her, even as the man formed more and more incredible shapes out of the water above their heads and the girl danced with glee.

Rey felt her eyes widening with awe and surprise as she matched the young girl’s wonderment. She felt the smile curling up her lips before she could even think to try and restrain her expression. She let out a soft sigh as she watched father and daughter enjoying themselves before her. It was a scene of happy tranquility - of a family and a life that Rey herself had never known before.

She glanced back at Ben, interested in seeing his reaction to the idyllic scene, and immediately lost her easy smile. “Uh… Ben?” she asked, concern making her brow furrow over her hazel eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Ben looked down as the man’s voice spoke up suddenly in front of them, “Kali? Kali?!”

The little girl had disappeared. The man stepped forward, frantically searched the water in front of them for the little girl.

“She always disappears.” Ben said, “As hard as I try to keep her here. Try as I might to protect her, I always fail.”

The man turned around, to face them. It was Ben, dressed in the same clothes he had worn as Kylo Ren. His face was scarless, but twisted with fear.. He looked frantically through the grass, appeared to see through Rey and Ben as though they were not there, “Kali! Kali where are you!?”

Ben didn’t move, but stared at his other self, a heartbroken resignation on his face. His lips moved as the other Ben spoke, framing every word as if he knew it by heart, as if he had experienced this a thousand times.

Rey watched Ben in stoic but concerned silence. Obviously whatever this illusion was, it was for his benefit and not hers. But she was here with him anyway, and she had to believe that that was for a reason. She could hear the dream Kylo Ren’s voice ringing in her ears but she had eyes only for Ben Solo. “Ben, who’s Kali?” she asked, her voice soft and reassuring as she could make it.

Ben didn’t answer, his eyes scanning the grass around them, “Every time,” He murmurs, “I can never save her.”

Rey cocked her head slightly as she watched the pair on the horizon. Her thoughts were reaching towards a conclusion that she didn’t much favor. Was that girl - pretty, blonde hair, small frame, lively, open laugh - Ben’s daughter? The image was so clear - as if it was actually happening right before her eyes. Could this be a memory of some sort? She scrunched up her nose in confusion as she slowly turned back to Ben - her Ben. “What’s… Ben, what’s going on?” she asked, trying to keep the desperation out of her voice.

Ben looked at Rey, “It’s a dream.” He said, walking forward to pick up the little doll Kali had been holding as his other self scrambled, searching desperately for his daughter, “It always goes the same way.”

Rey was not any less confused as she watched Ben carefully picking up the child’s - Kali’s - doll, holding it in his large hands as if it were a fragile, breakable thing. “A dream… ?” she muttered, her eyes going wide as the images around her began to shift. “It’s just… a dream? But, how…?”

“I don’t know.” Ben said, “I don’t know how it happened, but this isn’t the first time I’ve had this dream. He rubbed the doll with his thumb. It felt real to him, the material soft.

The dream Kylo Ren’s anguished cries were still ringing in Rey’s ears and making her wince with the real, terrible heartbreak that she heard there. “It’s not… she’s not real, is she? I mean, did this really happen? Is Kali a real person?”

“No.” Ben said, “This isn’t a memory. It’s a dream, a nightmare.”

“But… she seems so real,” Rey muttered, her voice low as if she were talking to herself. She frowned as she glanced quickly back at the dream Kylo Ren. “It seems as if… I mean, it sounds like she’s your daughter or something…” Rey winced at her own words, hating how awkward and unsure she sounded. She didn’t want to voice the tiny, secret thought that was in the back of her head - what if this was a vision of the future? What if Kylo Ren returned and had a beautiful little blonde-haired daughter? The thought alone put a sour taste in her mouth.

“My visions don’t look like this.” Ben said quietly, “This is a dream I had while I was still Kylo Ren, one that Snoke latched onto and enjoys revealing to me, to remind me of what I cannot have, even with the light.”

“Snoke?” Rey asked, startled out of her own dark thoughts by the mention of the monster’s name. Of course this would be his doing, but why had he pulled Rey into it? Or was it Ben who had brought her along for a tour through his deepest nightmares?

This dream was the reason Ben Solo could never be a father, he reminded himself. Even if he kept his own dark nature in check, he would never be able to have a family. He would never be enough for them.

Ben kneeled down in front of his other self, placing the doll in front of him. The other Kylo Ren picked up the doll, pressing it to his face, “I’m so sorry.” He whispered to the doll. The dark of his robes seemed to expand, engulfing him and the beautiful scene around him.

Red light flooded their area as the world went dark. A deep, malevolent voice echoed around them. Always a failure. The voice said.  
Ben closed his eyes, unwillingly to see the glittering red lightsaber appear in his other self’s hand.

Always the killer.

Never strong enough to succeed.

Always the failure.

“Don’t.” Ben choked out, his fists clenching.

The dream version of Ben seemed to morph into another figure, a 15 year old boy with dark hair, panicked and blood-soaked. It was Ben as he had been the night he attacked Luke’s school, full of rage and darkness.

“Don’t do it.” Ben whispered, opening his eyes as his dream self inspected the darkness around them, which took on a shifting, smoky quality now. The boy slashed at the darkness, looking for something to destroy. He found it as people began to drop to the ground, their bodies mostly obscured by the smoke, their identities hidden.

Rey’s breath hitched as she struggled to breathe past the lump in her throat. All of Ben’s emotions - his memories, his fears, his hopes and dreams - were flooding through her as if they were his own. She could feel his panic, his terror, and his sadness and it made her feel impossibly, dangerously weak. Was this really how Ben saw himself?

She longed to reach out and comfort him, but she was so consumed by these vibrant, terrifying emotions. She felt like she was intruding on something that she shouldn’t, but the images were strong and refused to disappear. “Ben…” she whispered with a choked sob. “Oh, Ben…”

The voice began to speak again and Ben spoke along with it, his voice tight and full of emotion, “You never should have left, Ben Solo. The woman will not save you. The light will not save you. Your mother will not save you. The blood never leaves. The darkness will always be waiting. It will come for you. It will come for your children. It will come for their children. You will never escape who you are.”

Ben spoke like someone who had unwillingly memorized something, like he had simply heard this so much he had learned it by heart.

“Stop.” The desperate cry was torn from her before she could stop it. She felt her fingernails digging into the soft flesh of her palms and the taste of blood seeped through her mouth as her teeth bit at the inside of her cheek. It was all too much - how could any reasonable human being live life like this?

“Ben, please,” she sobbed, not sure which version of Ben Solo she was addressing. His thoughts and feelings were bleeding through to her and making her head feel like a jumbled mess. She took a deep breath and tried to focus on Rey - what made her her. 

“Ben,” she spoke again, this time her voice much more calm and level. “Ben, you can’t listen to these voices. They’re your doubts and nothing more. You’ve allowed them to fester with time and grow stronger, but you don’t have to live like this.”

Ben looked at her, “Rey, this isn’t me. Snoke sends this dream to me every few nights.” He said, looking at the 15 year old version of himself, “Usually I’m the one holding the lightsaber.”

Ben’s 15-year old self suddenly saw Rey and bared his teeth at her, lifting his saber. Ben stepped in front of his other self, growling in frustration and anger. The saber passed through him, catching him in the stomach, and the dream broke apart.

They were suddenly back in Rey’s room. It looked as if several minutes had passed, because Dusty was now awake and pawing at the two of them, yipping. Ben swayed a little, then released Rey as soon as he realised he was holding her, “I’m sorry you had to see that.” Rey could do little more than stare at Ben, wide-eyed and terrified. Her throat felt dry and hoarse and every time she blinked she could still see the vibrant red images behind her eyelids. She staggered a bit when Ben released her and she blinked slowly as she breathed in the power of the Force to steady her racing thoughts and heartbeat. “Ben, no,” she managed to mutter. “I’m glad I was there to see it. How…? Why…?” 

So many questions and emotions were still racing through her mind, she had to concentrate to form a complete sentence. She frowned up at Ben as she finally asked, “Why do you let him do that to you? They’re your dreams - your memories. Why do you let Snoke use them against you like that?”

Ben looked down at his hands, “I can’t keep him out. He knows my mind better than I do. He’s been in my head since I was a child. He can’t control my actions, but he’ll speak to me, lie to me.” He stood up and walked to the empty spare bed, sitting down and looking at her, “I know what he’s trying to do, but I can’t make him leave. I can only grit my teeth until it’s over. He rarely drags me away when I’m awake anymore. I think he’s behind the disturbance I felt earlier and this was all a distraction. What I felt is gone now. I’m sorry you got caught up with me.” He rested his head in his hands, exhaustion setting into his bones.

Rey’s entire body felt exhausted from the strange ordeal she had just gone through with Ben. She wondered at how he had made it this far without completely losing his mind - the dream had been so real. Without thinking about it, Rey crossed to the other bed next to Ben and let her arms slide around Ben’s shoulders. The comfort was as much for her as it was for him.

“Don’t say that,” she sighed as she nuzzled further into his shoulder. “I mean it. I’m glad I was there. If anything like that ever happens again, you know you can talk to me about it, right?” She felt her teeth grit together as she imagined all of the ways that she would make Snoke pay whenever she finally got her hands on that slimy, corpsey bastard. She sighed, using the Force to calm her frustration and repeating one of Luke’s many mantras about calm and peace in her mind. 

“You’re so strong, Ben,” she murmured, her words somewhat muffled against his shoulder. “You can fight this. You can fight him. I believe in you.”

Ben rubbed the back of his neck, leaning against her, “They’re my dreams, Rey. My desires, my fears. He just sets them to his music.” He sighed, “They’re never going to go away fully, not until I stop being afraid of returning to the dark side or until I stop wanting…” His voice trailed off, quieter and quieter. He kept his eyes on the floor, grateful for the contact with Rey but unable to look at her, to face how much of him she had just seen: his disgust with his past actions, his frustration with his status within the Resistence, his continuing grief and guilt about his father, his feelings for her, the part of him that feared he would destroy everything with her, and the part of him that still wanted a family. Snoke used the little fair-haired child every time because she was the one thing Ben could never ever have and he knew it. He never talked about it, not with anyone. No one would ever expect anything so tender from him.

Rey would know all of this now, though. Even if she had not seen it, there was no way she could have entered so completely into his mind and not felt all of this.

Rey wasn’t sure what else to say. She could feel Ben’s desperation, but she wasn’t sure if it was simple empathy or an echo of the way their consciousnesses had blended together just moments ago. But she had meant what she said, and she silently hoped that Ben knew that. One day, he would defeat Snoke. They would defeat Snoke together. She knew this with a certainty that she couldn’t back up with reason, but she still trusted it.

She wanted to tell Ben that his worries were unfounded, but she couldn’t quite find the right words. She didn’t want to dismiss the pain that he was obviously in, but at the same time she didn’t understand why he tortured himself like this. He was still young in years and strong and healthy - why did he think that having children was such a ridiculous, unreachable dream? She wished that she could find the words to tell him that these images that haunted him didn’t have to become feared nightmares, but she didn’t want Ben to think that she was belittling or trivializing his deepest, darkest fears.

She sighed and let her eyes slip shut as she felt her exhausted body beginning to betray her. Rey kept her arms tight around Ben, though - finding her own solace in his comforting body heat and scent. “Stay,” she murmured against his sleep shirt, stifling a yawn. “You should stay here tonight.”

“Okay.” Ben said quietly. He sat up and looked at her, directly in the face now. It was only now that he noticed how the little girl in his dream had her eyes. He didn’t comment on this, but nudged her knee with his gently, “You should sleep. I won’t go anywhere.”

Rey grunted as she finally released her grip on Ben and slipped back into the comforting embrace of her bed. “You, too,” she mumbled, her eyes already closing. She wasn’t really sure if that made sense or not, but her mind was already half-way on its way to unconsciousness and she couldn’t bother herself with such trivialities. However, there was a deeper, darker part of her that reminded her how troubled Ben was - how much he needed her help right now. She let out a soft sigh as she cuddled up to her welcoming pillow, her mind still on Ben.

“Wake me up… if you need me…” she managed to get out. “I’ll be… right here.” Her speech was hardly comforting, especially considering the large yawns that punctuated her words. But right before she drifted back off to sleep, she felt Ben’s arms encircle her, lifting her from the spare bed and back onto hers. Dusty yipped, but Ben shushed the dog quietly. He pulled the covers over her, pressing his lips to her temple briefly before turning out the light. There was a shuffling noise as he removed his boots and pulled the rarely-used blankets of the other bed around him, and then silence.


	7. Chapter Seven

“Dusty, sit,” Rey commanded, holding her hand out, palm down towards the dog. Dusty hesitated as he looked up at her, debating whether or not to obey. “Dusty, sit,” Rey said again. The dog wagged his tail and flattened his ears against his head, clearly deciding not to obey. Rey huffed in frustration and bent down, forcefully pressing against the dog’s hindquarters. Dusty began to pant as he wiggled against Rey’s grasp, his paws danced against the floor as he tried to escape. Rey growled at the disobedient puppy and straightened so that she could glare at her companion. “I told you,” she said to Ben in frustration. “He just doesn’t listen to me!”

“That’s true.” Ben said, reaching into the drawer of his bedside table and drawing out a little tin of food pellets for the dog. “Stand straight and hold this up. He knows the command, so hold it and don’t give it to him until he sits completely and holds it for as long as you want. This might take a minute.”

Rey sighed and took a small handful of the pellets that Ben was holding out to her. Dusty was immediately at Rey’s side and looking up at her hand, his dark eyes wide with desperate hope. He sprang up on his hind legs, his head reaching just above Rey’s knee. Rey gave him a sharp noise of dissent and the dog immediately returned to his four paws once more.

“Dusty, sit,” she tried again. The dog’s small body froze, his ears, eyes, and nose all trained on the promise of treats that remained firmly trapped within Rey’s hand. “Sit,” Rey repeated. The dog whined and his eyes darted momentarily towards Ben. He seemed to be asking, Really? Do I have to do this? “Dusty, sit.” It was taking all of Rey’s self control to keep her voice level and calm. Were all dogs this stubborn? Finally Dusty’s rear end lowered slowly to the ground, though his hindquarters still hovered over the ground, as if he was afraid to let himself relax in case his treats suddenly disappeared. Rey raised an eyebrow at him and waited. The dog let out a noise somewhere between a whine and a yelp and finally sat, his hind legs splaying out to the side and his tail brushing against the floor as he watched Rey bending down to finally reward him.

“Good job.” Ben said, smiling a little. He was laying down on his bed, propped up on one arm and reading something from a holopad. He glanced down at the holopad again, then up at Rey, “When do you ship out again?”

“Next week,” Rey responded, pushing Dusty away as he tried to lick the remaining crumbs out of her hand. The dog continued to sniff around for any remaining treats, but once he was satisfied that he had found all of the treats that he could, he bounded eagerly onto Ben’s bed. His ungainly limbs tripped ungracefully over Ben’s long legs as he moved to lay down next to him. He panted heavily, his tail wagging as he looked at Ben’s face, begging for praise and conformation. He seemed to be saying, Look at what I did! Aren’t I the best dog in the world?

Rey sighed and sat down heavily at the end of the bed, keeping a safe distance between herself and Ben. She hadn’t left the base in the three weeks since Ben’s dream. She was eager to get back out into the galaxy so that she could get back to helping the Resistance and saving lives, but she also couldn’t deny the fact that seeing all of that destruction wore on her, and she felt a heavy sensation in her chest at the very thought of returning to the front lines of battle. “You’ll have to watch him while I’m gone,” Rey reminded Ben as she nodded at the puppy. “Though I don’t think it’ll be too hard.” Dusty seemed to illustrate this point exactly as he nuzzled his nose into Ben’s side, his dark eyes wide with adoration.

Ben turned his gaze on the dog, reaching out to scratch his back affectionately. He looked back at Rey, “Sure, I’ll watch him.”

Rey stretched out her body along the length of the end of the bed, her feet dangling off the side and her head propped up in her hand. “The trip shouldn’t be long,” she continued. “Hopefully we’ll be back in a week.” She paused as she looked at the way that Ben’s long fingers brushed through the dog’s fur. Something about that motion made something in her chest tighten. “What about you?” she asked, hesitantly meeting his gaze. “How much longer are you going to sulk around the base like this?”

“Well, I’d be out in the field any day if someone would actually give me an assignment.” Ben said, his voice low and controlled. He clenched his jaw a bit, clearly frustrated beyond belief, “I have spent the last three months since we got back from Luke’s sitting around doing nothing. Can’t even help around the base without someone wondering if I’ll destroy something.”

The words, Can you blame them? jumped to Rey’s mind, but she bit her tongue, knowing that the words would do nothing but cause unnecessary hurt at this point.

Ben sat up suddenly, “I’m going to take Dusty walking. He’ll chew up another pair of shoes again if I don’t.” He didn’t look at Rey, but reached over to the lead he used for Dusty, clipping it to his ID collar. He knew what she was thinking. He was Kylo Ren to these people. He’d never be anything in their eyes than a monster. “Come on, Dusty.” He said, standing up and tugging lightly at the dog’s leash. This was the one bright spot some days. That dog loved walking around in a way he’d never loved anything in his life.

Rey immediately sat up, her cheeks stained pink out of frustration and shame. Of course Ben would know what she was thinking. “Ben, wait…” she muttered, watching as he moved quickly to leave. “Let me come with you.”

Ben paused at the door and looked over his shoulder at her. “Okay.” He said, his voice very quiet.

Rey jumped off of the bed and padded up quietly behind him. Her arm seemed to raise of its own accord, but she paused when she reached him, her hand hesitating to close the distance between them. Biting her lip out of frustration with herself she forced herself forward, her hand gently resting against his back. She didn’t say anything, but her thoughts were filled with silent apology. She wished she could remind Ben of how far he’d come, and how much he had grown in such a short amount of time. She wondered if he knew how impressed she was with him.

Ben turned a little, wrapping his free arm around her. He understood what she meant. He knew it had to be hard for her to see past the old Kylo Ren sometimes, but she did her best. She did care about him.

Rey liked the way that Ben’s arm fit so easily around her and she pulled herself close, letting their hips bump against each other. She wanted to say something, but words seemed to be evading her. Dusty was pulling insistently against his leash, leading them onward. “Best not keep him waiting,” she finally muttered, forcing herself to look into Ben’s eyes and show him her easy, open smile.

Ben chuckled at the dog, kissed Rey’s forehead, and opened his door. He walked down the hallway. The back of his hands bumped Rey’s as they walked to the surface entrance of the base.

Rey smiled to herself as she let her hand casually brush against Ben’s, enjoying the electric tingle that came from the fleeting, seemingly-innocuous contact. Dusty’s entire body was wiggling from side to side as his tail whipped around excitedly. Rey focused her eyes on the dog, though her thoughts continued to stray towards Ben. The weather outside was pleasant and Rey was glad for the opportunity to bask in the midday sun and the beautiful greenery that completely covered the planet. She was still getting used to the strangeness of so many trees - she didn’t think she would ever stop marveling at the beauty of them.

Ben walked at a leisurely pace, giving Dusty more lead so he could run around. He looked over at Rey, watching her marvel at the nature around her. He rarely saw such unabashed wonder on anyone’s face. It suited Rey.

Rey could feel Ben’s gaze but she pretended that she didn’t. Dusty was bounding around on his long legs - the perfect picture of joy. He found a lone stick in the grass and carried it proudly in his mouth, showing off his prize. After a few moments he brought it back to Ben, tail wagging eagerly. Rey smiled down at him and shook her head at his antics. “He’s really grown quite attached to you,” she mused, as if to herself. “You two make quite the pair.” As if to illustrate this point, Dusty bounded up on his hind legs, his front paws resting just above Ben’s knee. The dog was nothing more than a small ball of white fluff, and Ben towered over him, dark and stoic.

“I’ve grown rather attached to him, to.” Ben said, looking down at Dusty. He kneeled down and took this stick from Dusty’s mouth, tossing it a little ways away for him. He looked up at Rey, smiling.

Rey felt her expression twisting as conflicting emotions ran through her. Her brows furrowed in confusion, but a sunny smile pulled at the edges of her mouth. She still wasn’t quite used to Ben smiling so easily, and seeing it knocked her completely off her guard. And yet, the sight of his smile made something within her swell with joy and she couldn’t help but reciprocate the expression. Perhaps this dog had done even more good than she had realized. Rey kneeled next to Ben and let her hand rest easily on his knee. “I think the two of you were meant for each other,” she commented as Dusty buried his head in Ben’s stomach. Both raised out of darkness and destruction, she thought to herself. Both meant for something so much more.

Ben lifted the dog with one arm, kissed his head, then set him down again to run some more. He looked at Rey, kissed her temple, and stood up to pick the stick up again. He tossed it again, over and over.

Rey shifted to sit amongst the grass, watching Dusty as he ran to and fro, reveling in the game that he and Ben had created. Her fingers plucked idly at the grass, her hands working mindlessly as she wound the blades together and created a type of green rope. Her fingers were stained green but she liked the sweet, earthy smell that it left on her fingertips. There were small, white wildflowers dotted around her and she wove them into her creation. Every now and then Dusty would come over to inspect her work but she would shoo him away, fearful that his eager play may destroy the crown that she had so meticulously crafted. When it was finally to her liking, she placed the loop of greenery around her head, letting it rest along her forehead and between the three buns that trailed down the back of her head. She smiled up at Ben, quite pleased with herself.

Ben looked over at her and smiled.

“Jealous?” Rey teased playfully. She had to wince as she looked up at him, since the sun shined directly on her, lighting up her face. “Don’t worry, I can make you one, too,” she promised, her fingers already working in the grass once more, gathering the materials she would need to make her next project. While her flower crown had wildflowers scattered randomly throughout the weaving, she made Ben’s so that there was a small cluster of white blossoms. She also used a different braiding pattern, making his crown thicker, with a clear, straightforward pattern. She stood on her tiptoes in order to place it on his head, her fingers brushing through his hair to make everything look just right.  
Ben closed his eyes when she put it on his head, enjoying the contact for a moment. He smirked and flicked his eyes towards the crown, “How do I look?”

Rey couldn’t suppress the giggle that bubbled up through her throat as she pulled back, admiring her work. The flower crown made such a startling contrast to the rest of his manicured, clean-cut look, and yet it looked as though it belonged there, nestled amongst his dark curls. “Fantastic,” Rey whispered, leaning forward to place a chaste peck against his cheek. “You look great.”

Ben sat up a little straighter as Rey praised his appearance. It was a change of pace to see him this way, surrounded by green, totally relaxed, and wearing a crown of green on his head. Rey was vividly reminded of the fact that he was technically descended from royalty on his mother’s side. Ben smiled down at Rey, then paused at a noise behind him. It was Poe, freshly changed out of his gear, his hair a little mussed from the helmet. “Finn said you got a dog. I just got in. I wanna see it.”

BB8 trailed behind Poe, a little jealous that Poe was so focused on the furry operative and not him.

Rey immediately pulled away from Ben, subconsciously putting a respectable amount of distance between them. She smiled up at her old friend, happy to see him safely back at the base. She turned over her shoulder to call for the dog, but Dusty was already bounding forward, eager to inspect the newcomer. He hopped around Poe’s ankles, barking excitedly as he padded around BB-8. “His name is Dusty,” Rey told Poe. “He’s… very excitable.” She smiled and shook her head as the puppy jumped once more, yapping at Poe.

Poe kneeled down, petting Dusty. He looked up at Ben and Rey, then paused, “What’s with the crowns?” He asked, glancing between them. He turned around when Dusty wiggled in his grasp, demanding more attention.

“Aren’t they pretty?” Rey asked, beaming proudly. “I made them myself. Maybe someday, if you’re lucky enough, I’ll make one for you, too!”  
Ben’s face went still and cold. He still disliked being exposed and open. He was awkward and cold around Poe. He rubbed his nose, watching Dusty. He squinted, screwing up his face, pinching his nose. He let go of Dusty’s leash, pressing his other hand to his temple. You belong in the Dark, Kylo Ren. Snoke said, you’re so powerless here. You’re just biding your time until you succumb to the Dark again. It’s where you belong.


	8. Chapter Eight

Rey’s eyes narrowed in worry as she glanced at Ben out of the corner of her eye. The energy around him had shifted - as if he had suddenly been surrounded by shadows. His expression was strained and his eyes seemed hazy and far away underneath his furrowed brows. Rey suddenly felt the need to push Poe away, to protect Ben from outside observation. She remembered the vivid dream she’d experienced with him a few weeks back. The idea of him reliving that experience was horrifying to her.

Ben crouched down, pressing his hands to his ears. “Snoke.” He muttered. Snoke had tormented him relentlessly in the first few weeks of his time with the Rebellion, preventing him from sleeping or having a moment of peace. Now, he just liked to cause Ben pain, to remind him of his past identity as Kylo Ren.

At the mention of Snoke’s name Rey’s blood immediately began to run cold. Latent images from Ben’s nightmare immediately began to surface in her mind, as vivid if they were memories from her own mind. She could still remember all of the fear and frustration she had felt that night, and she felt the same emotions rising up in her again as she watched Ben drop to the ground. 

Rey smiled weakly at Poe, though she knew that her worry and panic showed clearly on her face. “Would you mind taking Dusty for a little walk around the yard?” she asked him, fighting to keep her voice steady. “Just for a little bit. Please?” She realized that she was standing between Poe and Ben, her stance wide and protective. Ben’s shoulders shook and he curled up, his head nearly touching the ground as he struggled to drag himself out of Snoke’s grip and into the present, into anything real.

Ben let out a choked curse, his eyes flying open. His nose was so close to the grass that he probably could see nothing at all, but he spluttered through clenched teeth, “Leave her alone.” Rey squatted down next to him, hearing the fury and the pain in his voice. He must have seen Kali again.

Ben couldn’t speak, but shifted his weight, rocking back and forth. Rey could feel the desperation, the helplessness, and the guilt rolling off of him in waves so strong that it physically unsettled her.

Obviously whatever this illusion was, it was for his benefit and not hers. But she was going to here with him anyway.

She longed to reach out and comfort him, remembering the vibrant and terrifying emotions from the dream she had witnessed. She felt like she was intruding on something that she shouldn’t. Seeing Ben so weak felt different now that she understood what he experienced. It had been different before, when he’d been curled in his bed at Luke’s shouting at no one, but now she know how strong the images were and now they refused to disappear. Fury at Snoke boiled up in her. She felt her teeth grit together as she imagined all of the ways that she would make Snoke pay whenever she finally got her hands on that slimy, corpsey bastard. She sighed, using the Force to calm her frustration and repeating one of Luke’s many mantras about calm and peace in her mind. She could not let herself be consumed by her anger. That would no one any good.

Dusty was watching the commotion with surprising calm and silence. Rey reached for the lead that hung loosely from the collar on his neck, but he moved deftly away from her. She growled as she reached for him again, but the dog evaded her, running through the space between her legs to Ben’s side. He whimpered softly as he nuzzled his nose against Ben’s forehead.

Ben rubbed Dusty’s back, opening his eyes. He looked down at Dusty and rubbed his ears, “Good boy, good boy.” He murmured, his dark eyes focusing on the dog.

Dusty’s ears hung low on his head but his tail still batted slowly from side to side, encouraged by the deep timbre of Ben’s voice. He licked gently at Ben’s cheek.

Rey watched the exchange in silent awe, her hazel eyes wide with shock. She remembered how desperate Kylo Ren had been in Ben’s nightmare - how he had screamed Kali’s name again and again, the name of the small child ringing in her head. He had been reaching for a ghost in his dream, but now when his hands reached out they connected with soft, white fur. She felt a small breath of relief flood her chest as she thanked the Fates for bringing Dusty to them.

Rey could still feel the itching presence of Poe behind her and again she felt the urgent need to usher him away - to shield his eyes from Ben’s short moment of weakness. But she found herself frozen to the spot, unable to move as she watched the small dog comfort Ben in a way that she never could. The tension that she felt in her chest continued to slowly abate until she was finally able to breathe normally again.

Ben buried his nose in Dusty’s fur for a moment, then sat up straighter. “That’s a good boy.” He said. He blinked rapidly, rubbing his temple. He scratched under Dusty’s chin. He looked over at Rey, “Hey. I think I’m alright, now. Thank you.” He seemed lucid, but was taxed from the mental battle.

The tense muscles in Rey’s shoulders relaxed and a small smile turned up the edges of her mouth. “Did you… did you see Kali?” she asked, her voice low and hesitant.

“No.” Ben said, “I didn’t see anything. If I’m awake, it’s normally just me in the dark with his voice.”

“Did he say anything…?” Rey stopped herself before she let the word important fall from her mouth. Of course all of this was important. At least to Ben it was. And if there was someone or something hurting him, then it was as if she was being hurt as well. She took a deep breath and forced herself to start over again, saying, “Did he reveal any information about The First Order? Or was it just another slimy, lowball attack?”

“Just the usual.” Ben said, sitting up and scratching behind Dusty’s ear. He didn’t look at her, but looked at the dog, silence falling heavily onto him.

Dusty filled the silence by giving a small, satisfied bark. He was still watching Ben closely but his tail was wagging faster now and his ears were perked, ready for their play time to resume.

Ben’s expression still seemed far away - as if his eyes were still seeing those images from his dream and not what was actually happening around him. Rey watched every subtle change in his expression with intense scrutiny, ready to step in and help when she could. But what could she say to drown out Ben’s inner demons? What could she do to fight a ghost that only existed in Ben’s mind?

“Thanks, buddy. Go on.” Ben tossed a stick a little ways away. He did this a few more times, then stood up. “We should head in. It’s getting late.” He was right, it was a bit late to be out and about, but anyone looking him in the face could tell he was simply exhausted. Snoke took a sick pleasure in finding the most uncomfortable ways to toy with Ben’s thoughts and it took a tremendous about of strength to shut him down.

Ben glanced at Rey, then down at Dusty. He didn’t seem to want to look at her. He was focused on his past mistakes, the fact that there were people he knew who expected him to return to Snoke at any moment, the danger he still posed.

Ben looked around the green around them. The trio were, mercifully, alone. Poe had shepherded BB8 back inside, deciding Ben didn’t need the additional eyes on him.

Rey didn’t like the dark emotions that were running across Ben’s face - the remnants of Snoke’s evil influence. She wished more than anything that she could find the right words to make these dark worries go away. Instead, Rey simply watched in awkward silence as Ben stood before her, hesitant to meet her worried, assessing gaze. Dusty was back to his usual, energized self and he ran circles around the two humans as they made their way back indoors.

Ben offered no causal, comforting contact this time as the two of them walked side by side back the Resistance base. Rey hesitated, her hand shaking slightly before she forced herself to reach out, her fingers wrapping around Ben’s for just a moment, giving a comforting squeeze. She could feel his cold shoulder and his desperate need to be alone, but that just made her more adamant about offering whatever emotional or physical comfort that she could.

Ben turned around, very suddenly, and hugged Rey tightly. He paused, looked down at her and kissed her on the mouth wordlessly. There were a lot of unsaid things in that kiss: his fear in the way his lips trembled a bit, his desperation in the way his fingers dug into her waist slightly, his gratitude in the way he struggled to be so gentle, despite his size. He pulled away after a moment, looking at her without saying anything. There were tears in his eyes and he’d even left one on her face.

Rey couldn’t suppress the surprised gasp that escaped her lips as she suddenly felt Ben’s arms around her. He pulled away slightly and she saw his intent a moment before his mouth was on hers. Her eyes closed on instinct but her eyebrows were raised high in surprised shock as she let Ben take whatever comfort he needed from her. She could feel all of their shared, unspoken words in that kiss, and she met all of his emotions step for step. There was fear in her shaking hands as they lightly grasped at his tunic, desperation in the way she leaned onto the tips of her toes to meet him, and gratitude in the way that she felt a small sigh escape her nose, brushing over his face.

She felt his tears and she pulled back slightly in surprise concern. Before she had a chance to voice these concerns, however, she was met with the sudden sight of a closed door being slammed in her face.

There was a smashing sound on the other side of the door, followed by silence.

Rey simply stared at Ben’s door for a few silent moments, her mouth opened in shock as she desperately tried to process what had just happened. It wasn’t until she registered the startling sound of something breaking that she was pulled into action. Her teeth clenched together as she reached forward and pounded her fist against the solid metal door. “Let me in right now,” she commanded, doing her best to keep her voice down so that no one else would hear her and come running. “Ben Solo, do you hear me?”

Dusty joined Rey’s cries as he jumped up, placing his front paws on the door and barking loudly. However, while Rey tried to keep her volume low, Dusty had no such control. He was emitting a steady stream of loud, insistent barks that seemed to have no end. Rey turned, swiping at the control panel hopelessly. It wasn’t programmed for her, but she tried anyway.

Ben’s door slid open smoothly. Rey blinked at the open doorway; Ben had programmed her into his control panel. She didn’t allow herself to linger on what that meant, but hurried inside. Ben was sitting against the wall, knees to his chest, staring at the floor. He’d knocked over a lamp, which had smashed on the floor. He rested his chin on his knees, staring blankly at the floor.

Dusty was the first in the room, his incessant barking immediately silenced by having received what he wanted. He trotted around the broken pieces of the lamp on his way, his tongue lolling out of his mouth as he tried to comprehend this new game that Ben had come up with. He cocked his head at Ben as he plopped down at his side, clearly not understanding the situation.

Rey remained just inside the doorway, her hands on her hips as she surveyed the damage that Ben had wrought. She wanted to yell at him, to remind him that antics like this would only give others reason to fear him or remember that he was once Kylo Ren. However, the blank stare on Ben’s face silenced her angry words and instead she simply shook her head as she looked down on him. “Don’t you ever shut me out like that again,” she finally said after a long moment of silence. She sighed as she joined him and Dusty on the floor, her limbs curling gracefully underneath her. “Never again,” she repeated, her voice a mere whisper.

Ben turned his dark eyes on her, both seeing and not seeing her. “Snoke wanted me to capture you. He wanted me to subdue you. If I couldn’t bring you to the Dark side, he wanted me to drag you there and chain you to it.” He said, his voice quiet and rough, “They’re right, aren’t they? I am never going to be anything but the creature in the mask. I can’t go on missions. They can’t trust me with Snoke always having a back door into my head.”

Something in Ben’s voice made Dusty’s floppy ears lower alongside his head. He let out a long, high whine as he rested his head in Ben’s lap. Rey watched him carefully, desperately trying to put words to the warring emotions in her chest. It would be so easy to lie and wipe away Ben’s worries with false optimism, but that wouldn’t help either of them.

“Snoke is only using these scare tactics because he knows that you’re slipping away from him. Each day you’re away from the Dark Side, you pose a bigger threat for him. Don’t let his lies scare you - you’re better than that.” She sighed as she added, “Missions will come in time, you just have to give people time. Most of the people here in the Resistance - they’ve lost so much. They’re just slow to trust. In time they’ll learn to see what I see.” She forced herself to maintain eye contact with him, to add validity to her words. She sealed her oath with a gentle kiss to his cheek, her own cheeks flaming as she remembered the kiss he had given her just a few moments ago. She wondered if she would ever get a kiss like that again, one with so much emotion, so much said. She wanted to tell Ben that his worries were unfounded, but she couldn’t quite find the right words. She didn’t want to dismiss the pain that he was obviously in, but at the same time she didn’t understand why he tortured himself like this. He was still young in years and strong and healthy - why did he think that having children was such a ridiculous, unreachable dream? She wished that she could find the words to tell him that these images that haunted him didn’t have to become feared nightmares, but she didn’t want Ben to think that she was belittling or trivializing his deepest, darkest fears

“Did you see Kali again?” Rey asked, turning to sit next to him with her back against the wall.

“No,” Ben murmured, sighing, “I didn’t see anything. It was just darkness and Snoke’s voice.”

“What did Snoke say?” Rey whispered gently.

“I don’t remember.” Ben said, turning away from her. He chewed the inside of his cheek, obviously lying. 

“Ben, tell me.” Rey said, too tired to play games anymore.

Ben leaned his head back against the wall and sighed, “If you do not wish dream of the girl, how about you dream of the woman who would become her mother? If you will not allow yourself offspring, will you prevent a young and healthy woman from a family? You are not enough in your own dreams, little jedi. How do you expect to be sufficient in reality? How do you suppose to be loved?” Ben’s voice was flat, purposeful, and emotionless. He’d memorized Snoke’s words and recited them with resignation, his eyes fixed straight ahead, his face more expressionless than she had ever seen it. It was as if he’d stopped feeling any of it, too resigned to even be embarrassed at the suggestion of a permanent connection between them.

Rey blinked silently, her mouth dry and her mind blank. The finality in Ben’s tone sank like a stone within her chest. He repeated Snoke’s words as if they were inevitable, and he accepted them willingly. He truly believed in these visions - that there was no happy future for him, that he would be alone and cursed forever.

There was a small echo in the back of her mind and she couldn’t wipe away the sound of Ben’s voice saying the words “mother” and “family”. Though she was mostly concerned with the fact that Ben had so easily accepted Snoke’s lies, she couldn’t help the small, secret part of her that imagined herself as part of Ben’s future - a partner, a family, a mother. She saw herself, for the briefest second, standing in the field with the dream Ben and little Kali, safe from Snoke’s influence and the war with the dark side.

Rey shook her head to clear her thoughts, eager to put these distracting fantasies of the future out of her head and to focus on the problem at hand. “Ben, you don’t… you don’t really believe that, do you?” she asked, her voice soft. She cleared her throat and tried again with more conviction, “You have to know that he’s lying to you. He’s just trying to manipulate you. These visions are just a cruel lie- they’re not the future. You make your own future, don’t let Snoke decide it for you.”

Ben rubbed Dusty’s head, finally looking up at Rey. He opened his mouth, then closed it and contented himself with watching her carefully. He seemed to be drinking her in, his eyes roaming over every part of her face slowly, as if he was memorizing her feature by feature. “Thank you.” He whispered. He said it like he wanted to say something more or something else, but he turned his attention to the lamp, “My mother is going to kill me. She got my that lamp.”

Rey smiled and shook her head at the pieces of lamp that lay strewn around them. “We’ll get you a new one,” she promised. “And I’ll talk to the General if you want, I’m sure she’ll find it in her heart to forgive you.” Dusty gave a small, happy yip of assent as he reached up and licked at Ben’s cheek - the exact same place where Rey had kissed him. Rey rubbed at the dog’s ears as she muttered, “We’ll need to clean this mess up, though, before Dusty gets into it.”

Ben nodded. Together, the pair swept up the lamp with little difficulty. They had little contact, but when their hands brushed, they both made sure not to look at each other, although their cheeks reddened at the contact. The evening passed with no mention of the kiss and Ben slept alone in his room that night, his mind clear of Snoke and full of Rey and flower crowns and kisses in hallways and green scenery.


	9. Chapter Nine

Ben and Rey found themselves spending more and more time together. Dusty enjoyed time outside, so Ben and Rey would sit outside, letting the dog run. Other members of the Rebellion would take recreation time, playing with the excitable dog.

Ben and Rey would sit under a tree, meditating in the evenings when they were alone, reading or talking during the day. They woke early this morning, going out alone while it was still dark. They ended up leaving the still-sleepy dog in Rey’s room.

Rey felt somewhat relieved for the absence of the constantly-energetic puppy. She loved the dog with all of her heart, but the more he grew, the more difficult he was becoming to control, and she found herself craving these quiet moments with Ben. In the dusky light of morning, Rey felt a certain quiet eagerness for the day ahead. 

The air was cool as it filled her lungs. She smiled easily at her companion as she said, “It looks like it’s going to be another beautiful day.” Her smile faltered slightly as she added, “I heard that General Organa is rounding up troops for another mission. They’re scheduled to head out soon, but I don’t know yet who’s being deployed…” She found herself actually reluctant to leave D’Qar - to leave Ben.

Ben looked at her, “I don’t want you to go.” he said, shrugging, “It gets harder and harder to see you board those ships.”

Rey was torn between whether to answer him honestly or try and brush off his worry with easy sarcasm. She settled for a mix of the two - flashing him a bright, optimistic smile as she said, “Well, I haven’t exactly been signed up yet.” She let her thin hand fall easily into his as they walked side by side and she added, “I do wish you could come with me, though.”

Ben smiled. He looked over at her again, clearly deep in thought. He looked away from her, rubbing his hands together thoughtfully.

Rey watched Ben out of the corner of her eye with raised eyebrows. “What?” she asked suspiciously, a grin tugging at the edge of her lips.  
“Can I kiss you?” Ben asked quietly. He had rarely touched her since Snoke’s last attack, but there was something in his dark eyes. He knew something was about to change.

Rey froze immediately in place, her hand still gripping his and pulling him back to her shocked face. Her heart sputtered in her chest and she was surprised to find that the first thought in her mind was that this was some kind of trick. She raised her eyebrows at him again as she closely inspected Ben’s face, trying to figure out what exactly it was that he wanted out of her. Finally, with her pulse beating erratically through her veins, she responded with a simple, barely-audible, “Yes.”

Ben touched her face with one hand and leaned forward, pressing his mouth to hers. It was at times like this that he felt both gigantic and tiny. His hand cupped her entire face, but he felt so small before her. That tiny “yes” had made everything brighter, the air sweeter, and had sent his heart pounding in his chest.

Rey accepted his kiss with timid modesty, holding back the burning passion that flared bright in her chest. She felt engulfed by him, his large hand brushing the skin of her face as he leaned down above her. Her lips were soft and gentle, but her hands betrayed her insistence as she let her fingers trail up, around his neck, and into his curling dark hair.

Ben pulled away from her after a moment, smiling. His breath was a little quick, but he seemed unchanged. Well, he did if she didn’t look into his eyes. They were bright with a kind of unabashed hopefullness Rey had never seen before.

Rey returned his smile easily, her hands pressing against his neck once more and forcing his mouth back to hers. “Maybe I can ask off for a while,” she whispered against his lips. “Or maybe we can talk to General Organa and ask her if you can come along…”  
Ben smiled against her mouth, his hands moving to her back. “That sounds nice.” He murmured.

There was a noise behind them, “Sir! Ma’am!” A voice called, searching for them in the trees. “Ben Solo! Rey Jedi!”

Ben sighed, rolling his eyes and kissing Rey really quickly before standing up to greet the soldier. “Looks like you’re shipping out sooner that we thought.”

Rey felt a strange tightening in her chest as Ben’s words breathed over her. She felt a sudden, fiery possession flush through her and she never wanted to let him go. Unfortunately, the moment was immediately ripped apart by the call of one of General Organa’s soldiers. Rey’s pulse jumped again, though this time for a completely different reason. She felt Ben pulling away from her and she spun on her heel to face the newcomer, blood rushing to her cheeks in embarrassment. She coughed lightly as she fought to catch her breath. She felt her heart plummet as she prepared herself for the soldier’s orders.

The soldier inclined his head out of respect, “Jedi, Solo,” He said, then turned his attention to Rey, “General Organa has requested you in her quarters at 0900.”

Ben breathed out slowly through his nose, already thinking of how he would have to spend a day convincing Dusty to stop looking everywhere for Rey.

“The General has requested Solo to report to transport in 90 minutes. You are being shipped out to the Ahakista system.”

Ben stiffened, his face becoming expressionless, “Thank you. Is there anything else?”

“No sir.”

“Then go in peace.” Ben said, nodding and watching the soldier jog away. He looked over at Rey, his face very white.

Rey found herself frozen yet again as she watched the retreating soldier. “Congratulations on your first mission,” she finally said, forcing herself to smile up at Ben. “I told you that it wouldn’t be long until the General and everyone else came around.”

“Yeah.” Ben said. He reached for her hand, enclosing it in his own. His mother didn’t want to see her for another 2 hours. She could stay with him while he prepared to leave.

Rey squeezed his hand reassuringly, biting her tongue to keep the flood of words from escaping her mouth. Don’t go. Please stay. I don’t want you to leave. What if something happens? Who will be there to hold you hand? Who will help me train Dusty? What am I supposed to do if you leave?

Instead she said, “I wonder what your mission will be? I’m sure it’s no small task, knowing the General…” She paused and her smile faltered as she added, “Promise to be careful out there.”

“I will.” Ben said, squeezing her hand back and leading the way back to his room. He packed in relative silence and didn’t ask Rey to leave when he grabbed his dark gray robes. He watched her for a moment, a little red around the ears. He didn’t want her staring at him, but also didn’t want her to leave, “Could you…?” He felt like an awkward teenager for asking her to turn around like this.

Rey immediately matched his blush, her body stumbling slightly as she whirled around to face the wall. She brought a hand to her mouth to hide the ridiculous smile that she couldn’t quite control. “Make sure you pack enough extra clothes,” she mumbled, wincing as her voice cracked in the awkward quiet. “There are lots of different terrains in Ahakista. You should plan for all kinds of weather.”

“Thanks, mom.” Ben muttered, chuckling. He passed Rey on her other side, fully clothed, and grabbed his lightsaber. Well, it was actually Luke’s. He’d lost his red kyber crystal one two years ago and Luke had given him the blue one. Rey had her own, a vibrant green, even brighter than the one Luke forged. He pressed it to his forehead, feeling the smooth metal against his skin,  
“There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force.”

Rey watched Ben’s Jedi ritual out of the corner of her eye, feeling strangely as though she were intruding on some private, secret moment. She wasn’t prepared when he turned to her and the pads of his fingers grazed once more against the skin of her face. Ben took a deep breath and lowered the lightsaber, strapping it to his belt. He looked at Rey for a moment, then leaned down to cup her face, his eyes roaming over her features in a way that was both hungry and chaste. He was memorizing her features in case he never saw her again. When he spoke, his voice was steady: “I don’t know why the Jedi gave up on love. I never understood it. The only reason I can think of is that is must have hurt too much to let go of someone’s hand to pick up a weapon.”

Her gaze matched his in intensity and she took a step closer without even realizing it. However, she didn’t like the dark emotion brooding behind Ben’s eyes. He was saying goodbye, and that was something that she could not allow.

Rey felt her breath hitch in her throat as the word “love” left Ben’s lips. She covered his hand in her own and brought it to her mouth, burying a kiss into his palm. “You can have both, you know,” she whispered. “Sometimes having a hand to hold can be a weapon of it’s own. Sometimes other people can make you stronger.” She paused to fold his hand around hers, pressing more light kisses against the rough skin of his knuckles. “Holding another person’s hand doesn’t make you weak - it just fuels your weapon towards a different cause.”

Ben leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers, “I love you, Rey Jedi.” He said quietly. There was no expectation in his voice, but also no hesitation. He spoke the truth without pretext or question.

Rey’s eyes closed as she leaned against Ben’s forehead, reveling in the moment and doing everything that she could to memorize everything about this - everything about him. It took her a while to realize that people in these situations were probably meant to respond in some way. She felt the thought on the tip of her tongue - I love you, too - but for some reason her mouth would not form the words. Her eyes snapped open and she scanned his face, once again desperate to memorize everything that she could about him. One of Rey’s hands rose to his cheek, her thumb gently tracing the line of his bottom lip. 

“Come back to me, Ben,” she whispered to him. Her eyelids slipped shut again as she sighed, melting into him. “I can’t live without you.” 

Perhaps it wasn’t the “I love you” that she wanted to say, but it was the best that she could do in the moment, and it was the closest thing to her heart that she could give him.

Ben smiled and kissed her forehead, hearing a call over the intercom for all those shipping out today to report to control. “Don’t get soft while I’m gone. I’ll need a sparring partner when I get back.” He took a step back, passed a hand through his hair, and walked out of the open door, grabbing his back on the way out.

Rey scoffed at him in reply, swatting at his arm as he moved away from her. She felt cold and strangely lost without his arms around her - the sensation made her simultaneously shiver with want and itch with annoyance. She followed close behind him as he left, her pace faltering in an attempt to match his long-legged stride. She suddenly felt as if everything was moving too fast. Ben was rushing ahead of her, disappearing over the horizon, and no matter how hard she reached for him, she couldn’t pull him back. She bit her lip as she scowled at the floor, her heart pounding faster the closer they got to the control room. She hesitated at the doorway, peering curiously into the room and searching for any clue as to what this mission was that Ben was being assigned.

Ben hefted his pack higher, scanning his hand on an officer’s holopad. He was permitted to enter the ship to wait the 30 minutes before his departure. He turned, saw Rey, and waved before turning and disappearing farther into the ship.

Rey felt a wave of annoyance run through her as she watched Ben turn around and disappear. She wanted something more, but she couldn’t exactly say what it was. So, for the time being, she simply waved back and felt a great heaviness begin to weigh down her chest. Come back soon… Please…


	10. Chapter Ten

Control was abuzz with activity. Leia stood at the center console, watching the different displays, her hands behind her back. She turned her head when Rey arrived, nodding her head in greeting. “One of the nights of Ren is attacking one of our suppliers.”

Rey felt her blood run cold when she heard General Organa mention the Knights of Ren. It was a name that she hoped that she would not have to hear again for a long, long time. “So… that’s this mission that Ben is going on?” she asked, her voice trembling slightly.

“Yes.” Leia said, standing a little straighter, reading the list of Ben’s vitals from his initial check-in. “We’re hoping he will turn the odds in our favor. My son is a better dueler than that dark Jedi.” There was a note of pride in her voice. She was confident in Ben’s abilities.

Rey bit down hard on her bottom lip as she nodded in agreement. Of course Ben would be called for this mission. Of course he would be able to triumph with relative ease. She really had no logical reason to be worried, but still Rey felt the impulsive need to rush onto the ship and pull Ben forcibly away from the mission. “H-how long will they be gone?” she finally asked.

“Not sure.” Leia said, looking at Rey. She sighed, then pressed her hands together, revealing a little anxiety. “I will-”

“GENERAL, THEY’VE MADE CONTACT! WE HAVE EYES ON THE KNIGHT!” A technician said, eyes fixed on the feed.

“Let me see.” Leia said, turning to the main feed. The technical threw the feed to Leia’s main display. There was a camera fixed on one of the ships and it showed Ben and the rebels working their way up a hill, hiding behind trees as they worked their way up.

Something thick was in Rey’s throat as she moved forward, no longer hesitant or asking for permission. Her eyes were glued on the display, her heart beating erratically as she immediately zeroed in on Ben and watched his every move. He was like a well-practiced predator in the way he moved through the underbrush, every single movement calculated and precise. It eased her anxiety slightly to see him so easily adapting to the dangerous situation, but she still didn’t like the fact that he stood directly in harm’s way.

Ben stuck out an arm, rotating his body around in a single, fluid motion, and shoving a large rock up the hill. It caught a stormtrooper in the chest, knocking them down the hill itself with a loud cry. Ben threw himself behind a different tree, gaining a few feet and narrowly avoiding a blaster beam. Ben looked around the tree, waiting for something.

A rebel seemed to bellow something at Ben, who nodded obviously, and two rebels leaned around their trees to bombard the stormtroopers with blaster fire. Ben hauled himself up several yards, using the cover to get near his former knight. One blast did, however, get through. There was a flash or something bright and sparks and smoke illuminated where Ben stood. When it cleared, Ben was on the ground. 

Rey growled, her feet immediately moving her as close to the holoscreen as possible. Her fists were clenched so tight that her fingernails left marks in the palms of her hands. She gritted her teeth together, longing to be there - to rush to Ben’s aid, to see if he was okay, to kill whatever son of a bitch had harmed him.

After a moment, Ben lifted his head a little and rolled into the cover of a tree, apparently having thrown himself down to avoid the blaster. He started using the Force to drag large logs towards him, creating a mound in the space between his tree and the tree next to him.

The battle started dragging on. The stormtroopers gained little ground, but lost fewer soldiers. Ben worked painstakingly to create a solid barricade and, when it was finished, the rebels rushed towards it, dragging their wounded with them.

Rey watched the battle progress, every muscle in her body tensed as if she were there, too - fighting on the front lines. She wished that she could lend her blaster and her Jedi powers to Ben. The amount of wounded rebels wasn’t terribly large - Rey had seen far worse - but she couldn’t help imagining Ben in every single bloody soldier’s face. “Come on, come on…” she muttered nervously to herself, willing this terrible battle to end as soon as possible.

Ben suddenly stood on top of the barricade, throwing a hand up to pause a blaster beam. He ignited his lightsaber, glancing another beam off the blade, and waved a hand. One of the blasters broke free from the hand of its stormtrooper and he threw it into three others, knocking them down. He hopped back into cover, letting the beam go.

Rey watched the rebel’s slow progression, feeling a flare of pride for their troops - and Ben, in particular. However, the flow of Stormtroopers seemed never ending, their high ground position giving the enemy a clear advantage.

“GREFATA REN!” Ben’s voice rang out over the battle, sounding tinny through the recording equipment. Both sides stilled, hesitating. “GREFATA REN!”

Leia drew in a deep breath, “It’s Grefata, then, that’s out there. I want eyes on him, now.”

Technicians scrambled to find a camera angle that could give them a view of the dark knight.

Ben stood up, his lightsaber drawn, waiting. No one fired, no one moved. Both sides waited for the dark Jedi.

Rey’s breath froze in her chest as she stared unblinkingly at the holoscreen. She was vaguely aware of General Organa and the other rebel troops in the control room bustling around, working to assess the situation, but Rey had eyes for only Ben. He looked so vulnerable, standing there bared in front of hundreds of white Stormtroopers. His voice was strong and clear as he called out his adversary, but the name made Rey’s heart stutter in fear.

A figure broke from the line of Storm, dressed in black cloaks and a dark mask. The figure was shorter and thinner than Ben, but walked quickly. Gefata Ren was a fast and ruthless dueler, the unofficial second in command of the knights of Ren, know that Kylo Ren was gone. He suddenly stopped, his dark red saber appearing next to him. It was of traditional make, unlike the cracked kyber design Ben had used during his days as Kylo Ren and the knight stood and waited, ready to face his old master.

Ben walked onto the green space, saying something to Ren that the audio feeds could not pick up. Grefata Ren nodded and waved a hand. The stormtroopers retreated, collecting those deemed worth carrying. Ben glanced over his shoulder and nodded at the rebels, who quickly retreated to their ships.

“What is that fool doing?” Leia murmured.

Rey was practically panting with frustrated anger, wishing more than ever that she could be there at Ben’s side to remind him what an idiot he was. “There has to be something that you can do!” she snapped at the general, her voice louder than she had intended it to be. Her eyes never left the monitor as she added, “Make the troops go back! They have to help him!”

“He’s buying us time.” Leia said, “Our troops can leave him and help get between the First Order and our suppliers. This will turn into an air fight and a duel.”

Rey let out a savage growl, knowing that General Organa spoke the truth, but still unwilling to let Ben fight all by himself. Her brain worked in overtime, trying to find a way to protect the man that she loved, even from this great distance.

Grefata Ren suddenly swung at Ben, who threw up his saber immediately, using his superior size to gain momentum and force Grefata back a step. The two began a rough, yet elegant dance. Grefata moved with a sharp swiftness, but there was a lithe and predatory power to the way Ben moved. He’d abandoned many of the long, sweeping motions Rey had experienced during her duel with him, but instead moved with a fluidity and a continuous strength that meant he generally maintained an offensive movement.

Grefata kicked Ben in the knee, forcing him backway. Ben blocked Grefata’s swing with his saber and forced him back. Grefata, losing his footing, stumbled.

“Grefata!” Ben called out, his voice loud and clear, “Grefata, end this. You are a strong Jedi. You were once strong with the light. The troopers are gone! You can leave.”

“I am stronger with the dark!” The automated voice said, scrambling to stand up.

Rey’s breath felt like fire in her chest as it rasped through her lungs and throat. She was proud of Ben for turning the tide of the battle, but she wondered what his end game was. Did he really think that he could alter the viewpoint of a Knight of Ren? Rey had to actually pause to remind herself that Ben had once been a Knight of Ren and abandoned his dark dogma to relearn the ways of the light. She supposed that she would just have to trust him to control this situation.

Again, the two Jedi locked sabers, throwing and catching blows for several moments. Then, they broke apart again as Grefata forced Ben back several feet. Then glanced over his shoulder as moved of the rebel ships took off, leaving the one feeding Leia visuals of the fight. He caught Grefata’s last blow with just a moment to spare, then let go of his saber with one hand, using the force to send Grefata back several yards.

“Snoke doesn’t care about you! Snoke never cared about any of us!” Ben bellowed.

“The Supreme Leader is wise!” Grefata Ren called back, swaying a little, “He is creating a new generation of knight. We will fight in the memory of Kylo Ren until we finally defeat those who destroyed him.”

“A new…” Leia’s voice was very soft next to Rey, “Has Snoke found more force-sensitive children?” Her eyes widened, but she spoke no further.

Rey’s poor heart stuttered yet again as Snoke’s name echoed out of the holoscreen and into her ears. “It can’t be…” she muttered, her mere whisper drowned out by Leia’s own words.

Ben straightened up, “Kylo Ren was never a person. There’s no memory to fight for. Kylo Ren was a name I took because I couldn’t face who I was. Kylo Ren was was Snoke twisted me into when I was a child.”

“Kylo Ren was a master! He could have ruled the galaxy, brought it to order. The knights of Ren will work towards that goal, even if it takes generations!”

Rey felt her breathing ease slightly as she watched Ben face off against Grefata with calm confidence. She had complete faith in Ben’s resolve to return to the light, and she was heartened to hear him proclaim this outloud to the enemy - a soldier that represented everything that Kylo Ren once was.

Ben threw a hand out again at Grefata tried to stand, forcing him back onto the ground, “What do you mean, generations?”

“The Supreme Leader seeks a new generation of padawans, those with parents strong in the force.” Grefata Ren spat out. The malice in his voice was evident through both the vocal manipulator and the tinny microphone.

Ben walked closer to Grefata Ren. Rey couldn’t see his face, but he paused a few feet away from Grefata, pointing his lightsaber at the other man, “Where is he getting these children? Is he stealing them?”

“The Supreme Leader doesn’t need to steal. He is above such petty indelicacies.”

“Oh gods,” Ben said, “He’s using the knights.”

Leia swore softly next to Rey, her face going white.

Rey gulped past the lump that was in her throat, still unable to tear her gaze away from the holoscreen. Could this really be possible?  
Ben stepped closer to Grefata, “Does he let you choose? Or does he sire you out like animals?”

“Nutewha Ren is a worthy knight.” Grefata snarled, “Her child will be the first of a new breed. He will succeed where Kylo Ren and Darth Vader could not. These children will only know the dark side, unable to be seduced by the light and their weaknesses! They will bring order to the galaxy, the Supreme Leader has seen it!”

Ben looked down at Grefata for a long moment, then bowed his head, “The child is yours, isn’t it?”

Grefata said nothing, but Ben continued: “I will not deprive a child of his father, not again, even in this twisted situation. The Rebellion has no more need of this place anyway. I will not release you until I am on my ship. If you try to chase after me, I will kill you.”

Ben Solo turned away from his former pupil and friend, leaving him sprawled in the dirt. It wasn’t until the last Rebel ship departed that Grefata Ren was able to sit up.

Leia leaned against the railing, shaking her head slowly. She looked at Rey, not speaking. The thought of Snoke treating anyone in such a despicable way was incomprehensible to her. She wondered if this was the first time Snoke had sought to influence infants, or if he’d been whispering to Ben in his cradle, too.

Rey felt her muscles aching as she slowly loosened the fists at her side and began to breathe normally once more. Her legs were shaking and she had no idea how she managed to stay upright. She could feel Leia’s gaze on her, but Rey was staring pointedly at her boots. She knew that she should be worried about all of the information that Ben had uncovered, but she couldn’t bring herself to feel anything except blank numbness.

Of course Snoke was not finished wreaking havoc on the galaxy. Rey had thought that perhaps the loss of Kylo Ren would be enough to cripple the First Order - at least for a little while - but the respite had been startlingly brief. Her thoughts strayed to young Ben Solo, and how easily Snoke had been able to play him like his puppet. Rey shook her head, trying to rid herself of the thought. It made her physically sick to think of Ben that way. But this was sure proof that Snoke could easily manipulate the young and vulnerable to do his bidding, and now it was obvious that he would try to do it again.

Rey sighed heavily as she finally raised her gaze to meet General Organa. She felt exhausted and weary - as if she really had been fighting there alongside Ben on that hillside halfway across the galaxy. “When will they be back?” she asked. Now more than ever she felt the intense need to keep Ben close - to protect him and shield him from the darkness that seemed to lurk all around them.

“The soldiers will return tonight, but not Ben.” Leia said, her gaze very gentle, “I want him to go to Luke and help him for a few weeks. I want Luke to hear about Snoke’s plan in person, from Ben.” She watched Ben’s updated vitals for a moment, then turned her head to look at Rey again, “You should go lay down. Rest a bit. I know that wasn’t easy for you. I’ve got to go check in with our suppliers, see if I can’t get them to talk to the New Republic about some better insurance against this. I can’t send my son out every time they decide to land on some backwater planet.”

Rey watched Leia with desperate, hopeful eyes - knowing that what the general said was the truth, but hating the answer that she was given. She felt tired and weak and all she wanted to do was curl up in her bed and cry for all of the twisted, tangled emotions that were weighing down her chest.

She wearily placed her hand on General Organa’s shoulder. It always surprised Rey how small the general actually was - she commanded so much respect and admiration that it was easy to forget that she was merely a woman, with the same human needs and worries that Rey had. “You should rest, too,” Rey recommended lightly. “When you get the chance. I know the Resistance won’t be able to function without you, but we’ve all been through a lot today.”

“I may be old, but I’m not dead yet.” Leia said, smiling good-naturedly.

Rey returned her smile, though hers was far weaker. She shuffled down the hallway back to her room and almost tripped backwards as she opened the door and Dusty came rushing out at her. She let out a groan of annoyance as the puppy clawed at her, his tail whipping side to side and his tongue dripping slobber as he tried desperately to lick at her face. “Dusty, enough,” she sighed, pushing him back into the safety of her room. “Cut it out, I’m not in the mood.”

It wasn’t until after she slid her door shut once more that she noticed the large, stinking puddle that lay in the middle of her room. “Oh my gods,” she muttered. “Dusty, no!” she groaned, glaring down at the mess he had made. In all of the emotional trauma that she had been through today, she had completely forgotten to take the poor dog outside to relieve himself. Dusty was edging around her, his body language completely changed now that Rey had found his mess. His tail and head hung low and his eyes were large and sad as he looked up at her.

Rey dropped to her knees, silent tears rolling down her cheeks unbidden. She was just so tired. She couldn’t find it in herself to be mad. It wasn’t really even his fault, after all - she was the one who had completely forgotten about him in her worry for Ben. Dusty’s tail wagged hopefully as he saw Rey sink to his level, but he whimpered as he registered her distress. Rey wrapped her arms tightly around the dog’s neck, grateful that he remained still long enough for her to cry into the rough fur around his shoulders.

“It’s gonna be just us for a while, boy,” she muttered. “Ben’s not coming back for a few more weeks, so it’s just me. So no more messes, okay?”

Dusty began to pant, his tail dragging against the floor, and Rey went about cleaning up her room.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Dusty was being more excitable than usual - no doubt feeding off of Rey’s own anxious, bubbling energy. Rey was using Dusty’s lead for the first time in weeks in an attempt to keep him calm and contained, but the growing dog strained against it, urging her forward. It was as if he was saying, Can’t you sense him? He’s so close! Come on, faster, faster, he’s so close, Ben, Ben, Ben…

Rey gripped the lead and gave a sharp command to Dusty, but the smile on her face completely betrayed the fact that she felt exactly the same way. There weren’t many Resistance troops gathered on the landing pad, since it was only Ben who was returning, but Rey fought to the front of them regardless, insistent that she and Dusty be the first faces that he saw when he landed. 

Hours passed. 

No Ben. 

Finn walked over and touched Rey’s elbow around two hours after Ben should have arrived, “He got delayed… won’t be back until tomorrow night, our time.” He grimaced at her, knowing she’d be disappointed.

Rey’s teeth ground together as she glared up at the darkening sky. She wished that she could find whatever this “delay” was and destroy it with her bare hands. Dusty tilted his head up at Finn, whining long and loud as if he understood him. “Thanks for letting me know,” she sighed resignedly, turning to head back to the Resistance base. Dusty fought her the entire way, barking and whining and tugging on his lead, begging to go back and wait for Ben.

“Dusty, no,” Rey growled. “He’s not coming back today.” The dog just looked at her with those same, pleading eyes. Rey was lost in her own world as she dragged the dog behind her, the two of them making quite a spectacle as they moved through the hallways of the base. Before she knew it, she found herself standing not in front of her own bedroom door, but in front of Ben’s. 

She sighed as she rested her hand on the doorframe. Dusty sniffed at the bottom of the door, whining yet again as he looked up at her. When Rey opened the door Dusty immediately rushed in, making himself at home in his favorite place on Ben’s bed. Rey settled down beside him, wrapping her arm around the dog’s middle and burying her nose in his scruff. She stayed like that for a long time, mourning her own misfortune, before the sun set outside and she drifted slowly into a restless sleep.

Shortly past midnight, Ben Solo quietly slipped into his room. He was exhausted and felt sore from weeks of travel and living halfway out of doors. He opened his door, hesitating in the doorway. He’d seen that the bed was occupied and thought, at first, that he’d chosen the wrong room, then noticed that Dusty was curled up on the blankets. He’d grown so much over the last three weeks, but the white fur was the same.   
Ben smiled slightly at the sight of Rey and the dog. He walked inside, closing the door without a sound, and dropped his bag by the door. Pulling off his shoes and shrugging his cloak off, he walked over to his bed. He kissed Rey’s forehead lightly, careful not to wake her, and climbed into the empty bed on the other side of the room, falling asleep almost immediately. 

\--------------------

Rey spent the night tossing and turning, and about halfway through the night she felt the strange sensation that she was no longer alone, but she wasn’t sure if Ben’s dark form was a dream or a reality. It wasn’t until dawn broke and Rey arose fully into consciousness that she realized that Ben had arrived in the middle of the night, and was now sleeping soundly in the spare bed.

Ben’s arm stuck out in front of him, his hand hanging loosely off of the bed. He was sound asleep and fully dressed.

Rey stood above him with a soft smile on her face, warring between the want to curl up next to him, and the desire to let him rest peacefully. Finally, she bent over and pulled the covers up towards his shoulders. She clicked her tongue at Dusty, wincing as the dog jumped off of the bed and collapsed noisily on the floor. “Dusty, shhh!” Rey whispered, snapping her fingers at him and pointing towards the door. The dog whined, hesitating at her side. His eyes drifted to Ben’s sleeping form, clearly telling Rey that he had no intention of listening to her.

Instead, the dog cautiously shifted his weight onto Ben’s bed, settling his weight along Ben’s feet. Rey growled and reached forward to forcibly move him off the bed, but she knew that that would only disturb Ben further. Rey was stuck there, glaring at the puppy with her hands on her hips as she contemplated how best to get the dog to leave.

Ben opened his eyes sleepily, rolling over a little and feeling the dog next to him. He blinked and rubbed his nose, “Hey,” He murmured sleepily, looking up at Rey. 

Rey flashed Ben a pained expression as she whispered, “I’m really, really sorry. I was going to let you sleep, but Dusty… he missed you a lot and I couldn’t get him to leave…”

“It’s okay.” Ben said, propping himself up on his elbow, patting the space on the bed in front of him, “Hey, Dusty.” He smiled at the dog’s eagerness, glad to see such a friendly face. 

Dusty’s entire body wiggled from side to side as he crawled up the bed, eagerly filling the space that Ben had left open for him. Desperately happy whines were seeping from his throat as he eagerly licked at every inch of Ben’s face that he could reach. Rey rolled her eyes as she watched the dog, still itching to tear him away and let Ben sleep. And, though she couldn’t admit it to anyone - least of all herself - she felt slightly jealous that Dusty got the first kiss.

Ben laughed at Dusty’s reaction and sat up all the way. He hefted the dog into his lap, then looked at Rey, patting the place next to him. 

Rey sat on the edge of the bed, but she kept some space between them for a moment. She didn’t want Ben thinking that she was just another eager puppy that he could call to his side whenever he wanted.

Dusty was rolling around in Ben’s lap like a fool, his limbs flying through the air as he basked in the presence of his long-lost best friend. Rey grabbed at one of his paws so that it would not hit her in the face and she scooted further onto the bed, out of the way of Dusty’s range of fire. Her shoulder bumped casually against Ben’s and she let her weight sink into him slightly. “I’m so glad you’re back,” she muttered, not meeting his eye as she spoke. “Dusty missed you. I missed you, too.”

Ben watched the dog, his hands busy trying to settle the animal, but he glanced at Rey, “I’m very glad to be back.” 

“I was worried about you,” she continued, turning to rest her forehead against his shoulder. “It was torture having to watch the fight through a holoscreen. I wish I could have been there with you instead.”

“I’m alright.” Ben said gently, leaning against her a little. “Trust me, traipsing through bog with Luke was much worse than the fight.” He added. He laughed, but it was a little forced, like he was trying to lighten the mood despite his own awkwardness. 

Rey had told herself that she would be level-headed when Ben returned - she had even practiced in the long, boring hours that she had spent apart from him. She had planned to welcome him with open arms, but to leave him his space. To let him readjust to life on the Resistance base and the strange, intimate relationship that had formed between them. But she forgot how good he smelled, and how much she enjoyed just being near him. She nuzzled her nose against his shoulder, her lips forming kisses over his clothes. “Please don’t leave me again,” she muttered, lost in the intoxicating closeness of him. “I’ll talk to General Organa. I’m sure I can convince her to let me come with you next time. Please don’t make me go through all of that worry again.”

“Hey, hey hey,” Ben said quickly, turning a little. He gently scooted Dusty back and hugged Rey, “It’s alright. I know it’s awkward being stuck back here when people are out and about, but-” He sighed, breaking off and shaking his head, “It’s rough for me too. I get it.” 

It felt good to have her feelings validated, but Rey shook her head right back at him. Her arms snaked around his middle, pulling him closer. “No, you don’t,” she sighed. “You don’t know how worried I was, having to watch you like that. Having to watch you standing right in harm’s way and knowing that there was nothing that I could do to help you. What if you hadn’t made it out alive? What would I do without you?”

Ben rested his chin on her head, wrapping his arms around her, “I’m fine, Rey.” He murmured. 

Rey felt a sudden, wet coldness against her bare arm and she turned to see Dusty prodding her with his nose, whining softly. Rey groaned and tightened her grip around Ben’s middle. He’s mine, she thought to the dog. She sighed in frustration - she thought that her anxieties would finally disappear once she had Ben safely back in her arms again, but it seemed that they were still there in the back of her mind, making her worry about the future. She thought about what Grefata had told Ben - about the fact that their mission was still far from over.

“Just… don’t leave us again,” she finally muttered. “Promise you won’t.”

Ben pulled back and looked at her, “Rey, I can’t promise that. We’re Jedi. We don’t get to choose things like this. What do you think it was like sitting in Control, watching you?” 

In all honesty, it was the first time that Rey had thought about that. She hadn’t been on a mission in a while, and this new connection she felt with Ben seemed completely separate from the close but professional relationship that they had had before. Had he really worried about her, even back then? Had he felt the same terrible, ugly sickness watching her put her life in harm’s way?

She knew he was right - that they were both Jedi above all else and must never put their own emotions first. But she was drowning in the sensation of Ben and she didn’t want to think about Jedi dogma right at this moment. She buried her face in his neck, nuzzling her nose into his skin as she forced herself to change the subject. “General Organa and the rest of the Resistance are already planning their next strike. No doubt you’ll be with them every step of the way.” She paused before adding, “Do you really think that Snoke is… breeding Sith?”

Ben breathed out slowly through his nose, not speaking for a moment, “I hope not.” He muttered, “I don’t want to deal with that just yet. Luke and I spent hours mulling it over. I’d like a day to just be Ben, if that’s alright.” 

Rey hesitantly let her lips taste Ben’s skin, but something in his deep voice made her fuzzy thoughts sharpen. She could tell that he was concerned about Snoke’s impending plans - perhaps even more so than General Organa and Rey. He was hiding something from her, and that somehow made her even more worried. She pulled away and inspected his face for a moment. “You can’t run away from this,” she reminded him gently. One of her hands reached up, her thumb tracing his jawline. “But you do deserve some rest after your long journey.”

Ben’s grip on her tightened a fraction when she kissed him, but he didn’t hold her gaze very long. He was clearly exhausted, particularly when it came to his mind and emotions. He sighed, then looked at Dusty, who had settled by his feet, “Thanks.” 

Rey let him avoid the conversation - for now. But she knew that they couldn’t avoid this topic forever. But just for today, she would let him forget about his problems and she would try to forget about all of her own worries and anxieties. “You should get back to sleep,” she muttered as she examined the dark purple bags under his eyes. Dusty curled up around Ben’s feet and sighed heavily, seemingly ready to fall back asleep himself.

“Alright.” Ben said, letting her stand. He shifted, laying back down, but then caught her hand at the last moment, his dark eyes thoughtful. 

Rey paused, hovering awkwardly over the bed as Ben’s long fingers wrapped around her hand. “What is it?” she asked.

Ben hesitated, then gently pulled her down towards him. He kissed her, reaching up and cupping her face. 

Rey leaned into him gently, letting him guide her to meet him. She hummed softly in the back of her throat, relishing in the soft, tender moment. How had she gone so long without him? How could she possibly do it again? She twisted her head slightly, deepening the kiss so that she could drown out the thoughts in her head with the excited pounding of her heart instead. When she finally forced herself away, she made her way quietly out of the bedroom, shutting the door firmly behind her. She would give him as much time as he needed to recuperate, but there were still many questions that the two of them had to answer.


	12. Chapter Twelve

Ben slept through most of the daylight hours that day, and Dusty remained with him, lounging in bed and growling protectively every time Rey tried to reenter the room. Even though Rey took to the habit of sleeping in the same room as Ben, the two rarely spent a lot of time with one another as the days slipped past - nothing at all like the days they had spent together before Ben had been sent on his mission to Ahakista. They seemed to always just be missing each other, one always finding something to do that would call them away from the other one.

The more time that passed, the more Rey could feel the pressure in her chest building. Every time Ben would come up with some excuse and disappear, she would grow more and more irritated. She felt like a thunderstorm - the pressure building up within her and getting ready to explode. She began to meticulously plan her days in an attempt to “casually” bump into Ben, but still he seemed to evade her.

In no time, another two weeks had passed and the rift that had grown between them felt like a chasm. There were still secret, stolen kisses and soft touches, but there was no real purpose or emotion behind them - nothing at all like the way that it used to be. Rey felt like she was losing her mind, and she had no one to talk to about it except for Dusty - who also seemed to appear and disappear out of nowhere along with Ben. Finally, she had reached her limit. She had to confront him - and she would not let any excuse he had or distraction on the base deter her from her mission. 

She found him outdoors that day, talking with a Tarsunt that Rey didn’t recognize. She felt herself hesitating, not wanting to interrupt, but her own impatience pushed her forward until she had forced herself into their conversational space. “What’s up?” she asked, her voice sounding fake and far too cheery. “How’s it going?”

“Not much.” Ben said, turning a little. “This is Cetasm, he’s been my pilot for the past month.”

Cetasm inclined his head, then turned as someone called him over, inviting him for drinks.

“Coming, Solo?” Cetasm asked.

Ben shook his head, “I’ve had enough action for a while, thanks. I think I’ll turn in early. Besides, Dusty hasn’t seen me all day. I missed his walk this morning meeting with Luke.”

Rey nodded as politely as she could to Cetasm, but there was a burning, irrational anger flaring in her chest and she found herself unable to make small talk at this particular moment. Cetasm wasn’t even out of earshot before the storm began to break and Rey struck out at Ben like lightening.

“What is going on?” she demanded. “Why are you avoiding me? Why are we avoiding talking about this situation? We can’t ignore Snoke forever, you know. I know that I’m tired of being ignored. What…” Her words stalled in her throat. She wanted to ask, “What happened to us? Why does this feel so different? Why can’t we go back to the way things were?”

Rey glared at Ben, her hazel eyes narrowing as she continued, “One of our First Order spies reported to General Organa earlier today. Your old friend Nutewha is scheduled to give birth any day now.” She hoped that this news, at least, would be enough to shock Ben into action - to force him to see the dire situation for what it was, and to stop ignoring her.

“I know!” Ben snapped, stalking down the hallway to his room.

Rey rushed after him, her anger making her blood boil as he turned his back on her and began to walk away. Her teeth gritted together as she fought to catch up to him - she reached a hand out to grab his elbow but stopped herself a moment before she made contact. For some reason touching him seemed strange and wrong - the thought made her burning anger fade into a simmering sadness.

“Ben, stop!” she demanded, moving so that she blocked his way with her entire body. “I tried being patient with you. I tried giving you your space. I knew you needed time. But I’m done waiting. I’m done living like this - like two awkward roommates. We need to talk about this.”  
Ben opened the panel to his room. He pushed Dusty off of him as the dog ran up to greet him. He hoped Rey would just stop.

“We can talk, I just don’t feel like discussing the Knights of Ren on my only time off.”

Rey’s hands clenched into fists as she stormed in after him, ignoring the concerned whine the Dusty gave the two of them. “Well, too bad, because that’s the only thing I want to talk about,” Rey lied, crossing her arms over her chest so that she would not be tempted to hit Ben. “You can’t avoid this any longer, Ben Solo. Tell me what’s going on with you. You’ve been completely silent ever since you got back from Akahista. Now, time is up - General Organa is planning the Resistance’s next move and I need to know what is going on in that thick skull of yours.”

“The child is named Kylon.” Ben spat. “After me.”

Rey’s mouth actually dropped open as she took in the meaning of Ben’s words. This was a low blow, even for Snoke, but Rey supposed that she shouldn’t have been surprised. “No,” she finally said, her voice softer but still resolute and non debatable. “They named him after a ghost - a phantom that Snoke himself created. Can’t you see what they’re doing? They’re trying to break you, even now. They know that the name Kylo Ren still means something to you - that it is still your weakness. But it doesn’t have to be.”

“Don’t you get it?” Ben snapped, fists clenching, “I can never had a normal life, a whole life! I will always be hearing Snoke. I will never escape this! Snoke wants me more than them! Snoke will do everything to turn me back into Kylo Ren and he will do everything to drag you with me! What if I married? What if I had kids? He would always be there. Always be whispering. I can never escape him.”

Rey was startled into silence for a moment as she let his words sink in. Was that why he was so overwhelmingly afraid of children and family? Was that why he thought he couldn’t have a normal life? All because of Snoke?

Her look of surprise quickly melted back into a dangerous scowl as her hazel eyes flashed in defiance. “Is that really what you think?” she asked, her tone low and angry. “Ben, you already escaped Snoke once - and you can do it again, I know you can. Why do you still fear him so much? Why do you let him hold this much power over you, even after all this time?”

“Because I still lose the little girl in the fields at night.” Ben said, “What if he takes my family away? What if I’m gone? What if he kills me and takes my family? What if he goes after you or my mother?”

“Snoke doesn’t scare me,” she snarled in frustration. “The only thing that scares me is the thought of losing you. I won’t ever let Snoke take you away from me - but you seem eager to give in to his little games. You’re stronger than he is, can’t you see that? You don’t have to be intimidated by these foolish scare tactics. You’re better than this. Ben Solo is so, so much stronger than Kylo Ren.”

She could feel her fists clenching together as she thought back to the night when she had been pulled into Ben’s dreams. His fear and pain had been so real to her that night - it was as if she was experiencing his loss and suffering herself. She understood now why this was his deepest, darkest fear. “You can’t let Snoke continue to ruin the rest of your life. He already stole your childhood - don’t let him take your future, too. You can still have children and a family someday, if that’s what you really want. You have to believe that, Ben.”

Rey’s voice cracked as she added, “It kills me to see you giving up so easily. Giving up on the Resistance, giving up on yourself, your own future…” Rey turned away from him, refusing to let him see the tears glimmering in her eyes. Her arms were still crossed over her chest and she felt as though this was the only thing that was keeping her held together. Giving up on me…

Ben’s hands shook. He clutched his head, resisting the urge to throw something with extreme difficulty. “I can’t be trusted with… with this!” He gestured around the room, “With anything valuable or precious or important. I was so sure that I could accomplish anything. When I was Kylo Ren, I was going to drag the stars from the sky and make them obey. Now… Now sometimes I can’t even see you because Snoke is so loud in my mind.

“I couldn’t kill him, so now he’s created Kylon Ren. He’s created a successor. I have failed and he is going to take children and turn them into warriors.” He blinked, looking up, “Rey, I wanted kids. When I was young, I saw myself getting the Falcon and taking my family through the galaxy too. But I can’t. I can’t have a whole or complete life because then I will just hand Snoke weapons. I will just give him reasons to drag me to the dark side.” He looked down, taking a deep breath, “I know you don’t see me the way I see you, but this will still be painful, I think. I… I think we should stop whatever this is… I can’t give Snoke a target. Having you here, in my room, every night…” He looked up at her, his dark eyes swimming with tears.

Rey didn’t turn to face him as she let his words spill forward. This was what she had wanted, after all - she had wanted to hear him speak his mind, to voice all of the fears that he was keeping hidden from her. But the words broke her heart, and she struggled to form a response. “So you really are giving up,” she whispered. “You really are just going to give into Snoke’s demands - just like that.” She shook her head as she finally let her arms uncross and swing at her sides. She moved to the doorway, still refusing to turn back and meet Ben’s gaze.

“I do want you to know one thing though, Ben Solo. I am not a target. I’m not a puppet, either. I will never let Snoke use me. I’m not someone who needs your protection. So don’t use me as an excuse, alright?” She turned back then, only to look at Dusty, who was cowering on the floor, his ears lowered against the sounds of their raised voices. “I’m not going to quit fighting,” she added. “If you won’t stand up to protect Ben Solo, then I will. Because, against every rational thought in the galaxy, I love him. And I’ll never give up on him.”

Ben sat on his bed, letting her shut the door if she wanted. He was shaking. He couldn’t think, couldn’t move, just trembled. He wanted to stand up. He wanted to grab Rey, hold her, make her understand he loved her, but he couldn’t. He just sat there, so angry he wanted to destroy the entire world and himself.

Ben didn’t move and Rey couldn’t allow herself to wait for something that she knew was never coming. “Dusty, stay,” she whispered, her voice strangled. The dog perked his ears at her, whining as she disappeared through the doorway. He turned his head to look at Ben, moving to sit at his feet. His head cocked slightly, a small, whistling whine sounding through his nose. He licked at Ben’s hands, not understanding why his two people were suddenly at odds with one another.

Rey moved back to her own room - a place she realized that she hadn’t been in quite a long time. Even though she and Ben had been rather cold and awkward around each other for the past few weeks, she had still spent every single night in his room with him, needing to dream close to him. She wanted to run back to him and apologize, but her stupid, foolish pride would not let her. She wanted Ben to come chasing after her, but she wasn’t going to waste her breath thinking that it might actually happen. Instead, she just collapsed on her own bed - her sheets smelling strange and unused - and she let her raging emotions leak out of her until there was nothing left but cool numbness.

Ben sat there until he stopped aching, then laid on his side. He rubbed Dusty’s back until he fell asleep.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

The next day Rey woke up cold and alone and hating herself. She stood by everything that she had said the day before, but she couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that she had abandoned Ben last night - leaving him alone when she should have stayed with him. She went about her day the way she always did, but everything seemed changed and somehow wrong without Ben’s large hand in hers and Dusty’s familiar, musky scent sticking to her skin and clothes.

Rey stumbled through her morning meditation, though it only succeeded in making her somehow even more frustrated. This was normally the time of day that she would take Dusty out to relieve himself and burn off some energy. She wondered if Ben was awake yet, if he was taking care of the dog, or if she should go and try to sneak Dusty out of his room… 

Rey decided against it. Ben probably wanted to keep the dog around more than she wanted the fluff-ball’s presence.   
Rey wandered aimlessly up and down the hallways of the Resistance base, no real destination in mind. There seemed to be more action than usual - an obvious sign that General Organa was deep into planning the movement’s next mission. Rey listened intently to the chatter as groups of people walked past, desperate to catch even the slightest glimpse into the upcoming plans. 

Leia was in her office, reading something off of a holopad. 

Before long, Rey found herself at General Organa’s office and she couldn’t help but sigh at her own stupid inevitability. “General,” she greeted Leia casually, not even attempting to hide the exhaustion in her demeanor. “How are plans coming?”

Leia let out a sigh, “Fine. Our suppliers are fine. I’m trying to see if I get can eyes on the infant.” 

Rey nodded but didn’t voice the many questions that were running through her mind. She knew that General Organa had her own problems, and Rey didn’t want to further trouble her. She did feel a slight sense of ease knowing that the general and her troops were already working hard on the mission, preparing to counter the steps that Snoke had already taken.

“Any more word on that?” Rey asked, unable to stop herself. “The baby, I mean. I’ve only heard the whispers that have trickled down the grape vine.”

“His name, as far as we know, is Kylon Ren. He’s going to be groomed to be a dark side user from childhood. We have no idea where or when he was exactly born, but we suppose it was yesterday on a New Order ship. We have a spy close to the medical care of the child, but have not seen him. We don’t even know if he’s healthy.”

Rey soaked in the information with thoughtful silence. She smiled at the general in appreciation, glad for her candid response. “And Snoke?” she asked. “He seems to be rather distant from this whole ordeal. Shouldn’t we be focusing our attention on him, rather than these ridiculous human weapons he seems intent on building?” Rey’s eyes lowered as she realized the tone of spite that had entered her voice. She really hadn’t meant to bother General Organa in this way. She should just leave now and let the general do her job... 

“No one is going to get near Snoke himself for a while.” Leia said, looking up at Rey, “He’s harder to find than Luke.” She finally set down the holopad, “Close my door, Rey.” 

Rey hesitantly slid the general’s door closed, unsure of what was to come next. “Yes?” she asked hesitantly, hoping beyond hope that it would be some much needed good news.

General Organa squared her shoulders and looked Rey in the eye, “Did something happen between you and Ben last night?” 

The question had not been what Rey was expecting - although, perhaps she should have. General Organa rarely missed anything that happened on the Resistance base. The thought made Rey blush, but she forced herself to smile as casually as possible. “No…” she replied, unsure of what the correct answer was in this situation. She certainly wasn’t going to tell Leia the truth - that her son had broken her heart. “Nothing special happened last night…” she lied with a shrug. “Just a pretty typical night, I guess.”

“Rey, I haven’t felt that much of the dark side around Ben in years.” Leia said, raising her eyebrows, “If you two got into some shenanigans and it got out of hand, I get it. Every force user ever gets it, but don’t pretend nothing happened.” 

Rey’s fake smile faltered and her blush deepened at the general’s words. She thought back to the night before - of the powerful energy that had surrounded Ben. At the time she had completely ignored it, but now that she thought about it in hindsight, she could see the darkness closing in around him. She hated herself in that moment more than she ever had in her entire life.

At first Rey didn’t know what Leia meant by “shenanigans” and she frowned at the general in confusion. When she finally did get it, she felt her heart leap into her throat and she wanted to disappear right into the control room floor. “N-no, no really,” she stuttered awkwardly. “Nothing happened, I swear. Really. Nothing at all. We were just talking, honestly.”

Leia’s face fell, “I was afraid of that. Must have been some fight to get both of you so riled up.” 

Rey’s lips pressed into a thin line as her teeth gritted against each other. She was not going to admit to General Organa what had really happened, not until everything was set right again. She wondered if it ever would be set right again. “Really, it was nothing,” she repeated, her voice as tense as her expression looked.

Leia watched her for a moment, “Don’t take too long.” She said, “You don’t always get as much time as you think.” The corners of her eyes crinkled a little, her mind clearly far away, then she turned her brown eyes on Rey again, “You may go.”

As soon as she was dismissed Rey slipped quickly out the door. She was grateful for General Organa’s kind words - she really was, they meant more than she could possibly say - but if she stayed any longer she might completely lose herself to her emotions and be nothing more than a crying mess on the control room floor. Rey knew that she wouldn’t be useful to anyone like that. She had to hold it together, just for a little longer. Just for a few more hours. Just until she could build up the confidence to find Ben.

She walked hurriedly down the hallways of the Resistance base, her feet carrying her subconsciously towards the rolling green grass outside on D’Qar’s surface. The fresh air helped to clear her mind, and she closed her eyes, soaking in the warm rays of the sun. She still hadn’t quite managed to prepare herself to face Ben again, but the familiar sound of barking was ringing out across the courtyard, approaching her far faster than she would have liked.

Dusty romped through the grass, eager to be reunited with Rey after a strange night without her. His barks were like a bugle call, ringing out across the base and telling the world of his joy. Rey knelt to meet him, nearly falling over backwards as his solid, strong body collided with hers. He was wiggling eagerly from side as he danced around Rey. She smiled and ran her hands through his fur, silently dreading what she knew was to come next.

Ben was in the field. He was standing there, meditating and moving through several meditative poses, quietly transitioning between them. He was trying to settle himself in the light, despite the fact that Rey wasn’t around. 

Dusty spent several minutes dancing around Rey, licking at her face and playfully mouthing at her hands in an attempt to start a game of chase. Rey indulged the puppy until he suddenly froze, his body standing at attention as he stared into the tall grass where he had appeared from. “What is it?” Rey asked hesitantly, trying to find what it was that had so suddenly caught the dog’s attention.

Dusty whined, glancing at Rey in hesitation before bounding off once more, back the way he had come. Rey stood and watched him go, suddenly understanding his wordless directive. This way. The puppy crashed through the grass, cutting a clear-cut path towards Ben. Rey followed behind at a distance, taking her time as she tried and failed to formulate what she might say to him.


End file.
